How to Treat Your Boyfriend

Being Considerate

Ask your boyfriend for suggestions. Get some pointers from the source: your boyfriend. Candidly ask him how you can be a better partner. You might say something like, "Hey, I want to be a better partner to you. Do you have any suggestions on how I can do that?" Take notes on what he says and try to make changes as needed. Make changes that are realistic for you— you can't become a completely different person, though.

Be an active listener. Every partner wants someone to hear them out, so practice actively listening when your boyfriend talks. Focus on his words completely rather than thinking of how you'll reply. Let him finish what he's saying and then try to paraphrase what he said in another way. Improving your listening skills is in itself a solution for being a better partner. But good listening also helps you to hear it when he communicates how he wants to be treated.

Consider his feelings. You're hard-wired to think of yourself first, but take out the time to think about how your boyfriend feels in certain situations. Try to stand in his shoes for a moment. Doing so can help you understand him better and intuit an appropriate response. For example, if your boyfriend is upset about a bad grade on a test, imagine how you would feel in his situation. What would you want from him if you were in the same place? Great partners are considerate, which comes down to practicing empathy.

Establish a pattern for giving and taking space. Being together 24/7/365 is just not realistic or healthy for modern relationships. Allow your boyfriend to take time for himself (and vice versa). Figure out how you'll give and take space ahead of time, so neither partner feels hurt by the need to disconnect. Saying something like, “I need a moment" or “Can l get lost in my thoughts for a while?” should do the trick. In addition to taking space in the moment, you should also establish a routine of taking time apart to pursue your separate interests or hang with your individual friends and families. Don't feel bad about spending time apart. Healthy relationships always involve some separation.

Take care of yourself. Free yourself up to have a little extra to give to your boyfriend by practicing self-care. Eat healthy, exercise, get plenty of rest, and schedule in “me time” each week. When you take good care of yourself, you are in a better position to improve yourself as a partner.

Words of Affirmation

Compliment your boyfriend regularly. Tell your boyfriend what you like about him as often as you can. Praise serves two purposes: it helps him feel good about himself and it also reinforces positive behaviors. Choose different areas to focus on each time you compliment him— his looks, his abilities, his ideas, his treatment of others, etc. Be sure your compliments are always sincere. You don't want to overdo it and say things that you don't actually mean.

Make sure he overhears you speaking well about him to others. In addition to saying nice things about your boyfriend to his face, you should also pay him compliments to others. Rave to your sister about how he helped you study for a science test or tell your best friend how cute you think he is. Overhearing these positive words (or having them get back around to him) will make your boyfriend feel good about himself and his relationship with you.

Support his goals. Does your boyfriend know that you're his No. 1 fan? Show him by cheering him on in his endeavors. This could translate to telling him he'll make a great doctor someday or showing up at his band performances.

Show genuine appreciation. “Thank you" is often understated in relationships, so take out time to let your boyfriend know you appreciate him. Say, “Thanks for helping me with those boxes, babe" or “I really appreciate how you're always there for me.”

Tell him how much you care. Give your boyfriend reassurance often. Don't assume he knows that you care; tell him. Say, “I don't know what I would do without you” or “I love you so much" (if that's true).

Bond-Strengthening Tips

Take an interest in his passions. Connect with your boyfriend through his interests. For example, if he's crazy over a certain TV show, watch it with him. If he likes a certain musician, buy him tickets to a concert. It's okay to have separate interests, but sharing some or at least showing interest in those that are important to him will bring you closer.

Prioritize time with him. Quality time is essential for healthy relationships, so be sure to carve out time together often. While it's perfectly okay for you to make time for yourself as well as others, your boyfriend shouldn't regularly feel like he's in last place. Each week, compare your schedules and set aside time for just the two of you.

Make personal disclosures. Your boyfriend will feel important if you regularly share your thoughts, feelings, ideas, and experiences with him. Disclosing also forges a deeper bond between you. Tell him when you're scared about not getting picked for the job you want or how frustrated you are about your relationship with your dad. If you disclose, your boyfriend is more likely to reciprocate. Spoon-feed disclosures based on how close (and serious) you are. Start small and work your way up.

Demonstrate trustworthiness. Romantic relationships are built on trust. Show your boyfriend that you are trustworthy by keeping his confidences when he discloses, sticking to your word, and being a reliable partner.