How to Stop Worrying About Bad Things That Could Happen to You or Your Family

Dealing with Worries in the Moment

Make a worry list. As each anxious thought appears, record it on a piece of paper. Say to yourself, "I don't have time to think about this right now. I'll write it down and I can think about it later." There will be a time and a place to worry about yourself and your loved ones later. You don’t need to worry about forgetting because each thought is recorded on your list.

Create a worry period. Choose a set time and place for worrying about the bad things that could happen. Give yourself permission to worry freely during this time each day. This is your worry period. What you think about is entirely up to you. You don’t need to edit or limit yourself. Whether your thoughts are productive or unproductive doesn’t really matter. If an anxious thought about yourself or your family comes up during the day, try to set it aside. Tell yourself that you will be able to think it through later, during your worry time. This will get easier with practice. It should be roughly the same time each day (e.g. from 4:30 to 5:00 p.m.). It should also be early enough that it won’t make you anxious right before bedtime. It is important that when your worry period is up, you actually stop worrying. Get up and go do something else to help take your mind off the fears you were just mulling over.

Stay busy. When you find yourself beginning to worry about what could happen, look at your to-do list. If you don’t have a list, begin one. List your goals and the steps to meet them. Begin with simple tasks, like cooking dinner or doing the laundry. Try to focus on one task at a time.

Coping with Your Worries

Improve your distress tolerance. Distress tolerance refers to how well you can handle uncomfortable, negative, or distressing emotions. Think about how you react when you imagine something bad happening to your family — do you panic and frantically try to stop your feelings of fear and anxiety? Do you run from the feelings or bury them? Do you do something destructive? Increasing your tolerance for these uncomfortable feelings can give you room to deal with them in a healthy way. In fact, the act of worrying can be a way of avoiding distressing emotions. If you're in your head, worrying about something bad that may happen to your family, you are actually distracting yourself from your emotions. Your worry may be a way you distract yourself from anxiety over things you can't control. Learn to self-soothe in the face of distress. When you begin to worry about your family, figure out what you can do to make the emotion more tolerable. This doesn't mean you run from the feeling, but you make it less intense so you can deal with it. Try some of the following: Exercise, dance, clean the house, listen to soothing music, look at artwork or something beautiful, play with your pet, do a puzzle or play a game, watch your favorite TV show, volunteer, take a shower or a bubble bath, pray, read a book, laugh, sing, go somewhere beautiful and calming. Start noticing the things you do that make you feel better, and the things that make you feel worse (such as binge eating, isolating yourself in your room, etc.).

Work on accepting uncertainty. Oftentimes people think worrying is productive — if you are hyper-vigilant about everything that might happen to your family, then you might be able to protect them from anything that might harm them. Unfortunately, this doesn't work — this doesn't make life more predictable. Instead, you just waste time and energy, as you can never know with 100% certainty what will happen in life. Realize that worrying about worst-case scenarios ("What if my dad gets cancer and dies?" "What if my plane crashes?") doesn't have the power to stop these things from happening. Ask yourself: Is it possible to be certain about everything in life? Does worrying constantly about something bad happening have any advantages? Does it keep me from enjoying the present moment? Can I accept that there is a small chance something bad will happen, but the actual likelihood of it happening is very low?

Practice habituation. This means you become habituated, or grow used to, your worries. For 30 minutes you visualize what you're afraid of — your family dying in a car crash, for instance — and accept the feelings that arise instead of trying to avoid them or run away. The goal of this is to allow your anxiety to calm down and to come to a place of acceptance. It will also help you begin to distinguish between solvable problems and those over which you have no control. Ask yourself these questions, suggested by HelpGuide.org: Is the problem something I'm currently facing, rather than an imaginary what-if? If the problem is an imaginary what-if, how likely is it to happen? Is my concern realistic? Can I do something about the problem or prepare for it, or is it out of my control? If you recognize that, no, there's nothing you can do to eliminate the chances of your family getting injured or killed in a car accident (or other worry), you can work on accepting uncertainty about the situation. Remembering: worrying is not an action. Worrying about a car accident won't somehow prevent a car accident. If you feel the problem is solvable, try to define the problem, brainstorm potential solutions, and make an action plan to start actively doing something, instead of simply worrying.

Talk to a therapist. Taking the steps to speak to a health care professional doesn’t need to be a last resort. Sometimes just speaking your worries about yourself or your family out loud to someone who has no connection to the problem can really help. Look for providers in your area that offer sliding scale rates, and make yourself an appointment.

Cry it out. There is nothing like a good cry to wash away your negative emotions. Research shows that after you finish crying, your heart rate slows, your breathing slows, and you enter a state of relaxation. This relaxed state tends to last longer than the time you spent crying. So if you feel so worried about your family that you could just cry, go ahead. Cry alone or with a friend. Make sure you're in an appropriate place (embarrassment won't help).

Call a friend. Friends can be an excellent source of support. They can give you their perspectives and help you to sort out yours. They can help you see if your fears about yourself or your family are rational or not. Simply by speaking your fear out loud to a real person, you may find the anxiety start to dissipate. It may help to set a "connection goal," such as calling one friend per week. If you can't bring yourself to actually call, write an email instead.

Making Lifestyle Changes

Reduce stress. While you can never eliminate stress from your life completely, you can take steps to reduce the stressors in your life. Learn to say "no." Don't say "yes" to that dinner with your friend when you know you'll be working late to meet a deadline or agree to take on another project when you're already swamped. Learn to distinguish between the things you "must" do and the things you feel you "should" do. Change your situation. Are you a ball of stress by the time you arrive at work because traffic has you so frustrated? Find an alternate route, take the train, or see if you can start your day early to avoid the gridlock. Identify small changes you can make in your environment and everyday life to eliminate unnecessary stress. Spend less time with people who stress you out. Maybe you can't eliminate these people from your life — it could be your mom or your boss or co-worker who stresses you out the most — but try to limit your contact with these people as much as possible. Tell your mom you'll call her once a week, but you're too busy to talk every day. Avoid a stressful coworker as much as possible. Find reasons to excuse yourself from his presence.

Meditate. Mediation does not mean to sit with an empty mind. Instead, meditation is about witnessing your thoughts as they come and go, but not judging them. Doing this for a few minutes each day can significantly reduce your anxiety about things that could happen to you. Try sitting in a comfortable spot and taking deep breaths. As you do this, imagine each of your thoughts is a bubble that floats out of you toward the ceiling and pops. Listening to a guided mediation can also help.

Eat chocolate. Giving yourself a yummy treat is a wonderful distraction from your worries. In addition, chocolate has been shown to reduce cortisol (the stress hormone that causes anxiety symptoms). The compounds found in dark chocolate can actually improve your mood.

Get enough sleep. If you chronically worry about your family, this may be easier said than done. However, if you regularly let yourself stay up late, you may be feeding your own anxiety. Research has shown that people who go to bed earlier are less likely to be burdened by anxious thoughts. Try tucking in a bit earlier. Adults should get between seven and nine hours of sleep each night. Teenagers need between eight and 10 hours, and school-age children should get nine to 11 hours.

Practice gratitude. If you are worried about bad things happening to yourself or your family, it means that you love yourself and you love your family! In other words, you have a lot to be grateful for! Anytime you feel worry coming on, stop and count five of your blessings. Some example may include: your family, your health, nice weather, some time to yourself, or a satisfying meal.