Showing Love through Words
Pay her compliments. One way that people feel love is through verbal expression, meaning words. Compliments definitely fall under this category, so try giving your lady a compliment. Pick out a quality about her that you absolutely love and put it into words. Or, you might just go with a general compliment, along the lines of “You are absolutely wonderful.” Tell her how much you adore her – and aim for everyday or multiple times per day. Some compliments might include, “How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?” “Nobody could make me as happy as you!” or “You’re so smart.” A compliment about a woman’s physical appearance, and how lovely you find her, can also go a long way. Try telling her that you love her eyes, her nose, or just her overall: “Sometimes I can’t take my eyes off of you.” Don’t compare her to others, unless it is in a positive way. If watching a movie, for example, rather than saying, “You know, sometimes you sort of look like Angelina Jolie,” say, “You’re much more attractive than Angelina Jolie.”
Encourage her. Expressing your love in words includes affirmation, so encourage your lady to show her that she’s loved and appreciated and that you want her to grow. All of these will show your love. Gently encourage her passions. Say that your lady loves photography and sent in some work to a competition but was not selected. Express your support, i.e. “It didn’t happen this time, but you should try again. I believe in you.” Other ways to express the sentiment might include, “You inspire me” or “I’m always in awe of your creativity (or ambition/insight/mind).” Be careful not to turn encouragement into nagging. Encouragement focuses on something that your loved one wants to do, while nagging focuses on something that you want her to do. Tone is also very important. Make sure that your tone is loving and kind, otherwise she might interpret your sentiment in the wrong way.
Say that you love her. For many people this is obvious – why not tell your loved one that you love her? However, it bears repeating that expressing your love in words is really important, as everyone wants to know that they are loved and appreciated. There are also many ways to say it beyond the usual “I love you.” Be creative! Try “I adore you,” “I cherish you,” or “My love for you is unconditional.” Alternatively, you might use a phrase that starts with her: “You are my treasure,” “You mean the world to me,” or “You have my heart.” Tell her that you miss her when apart. “I miss you” is good, but also consider “I can’t stop thinking about you while you’re away.” Depending on your lady, terms of endearment can also say “I love you” in different terms. Sweetheart, dear, my love, and honey will work. There are also plenty in other languages, like mon petit chou (in French, “my little cabbage”), terron de azucar (in Spanish “little lump of sugar), or habibi (in Arabic, my darling).
Ask for her opinions and ideas. Asking your lady for advice shows that you trust and respect her judgment. While it’s not explicit, and whether a big or small issue, you are affirming her with your words in a way that she will appreciate. Actively solicit her ideas. “Dear, you’re so good with colors that I wanted to ask you what you think looks better here, red or blue?” Every time she is speaking to you, make an effort to look her in the eyes to show that you’re paying attention. Ask questions, as well. Engage actively instead of listening passively. If you don’t understand something she says, tell her instead of playing along. This will show her that you’re listening and want to really understand what she has to say.
Showing Love through “Acts of Service”
Help out around the house. Another way that people feel loved is through “acts of service,” which basically means feeling supported in their everyday lives. It could be helping with chores, housework, cooking, or cleaning. If your lady speaks this language, you could start by helping her around the house. If you have an equal split in housework, pick up some of her chores, especially if she is going through a hectic period at school or work. If you tend to have a more “traditional” division of labor at home, get moving and help out!
Do a random good deed. Acts of service don’t always need to be chores. You can find ways to show your love through random, kind deeds, as well. Call to say that you love her, for example, or leave her a flower for no reason. Is your lady having a stressful week? Do a good deed and make things super relaxing for her when she comes home. Have all the usual chores done, dinner ready, light music playing, and a glass of wine waiting. You might even draw her a bubble bath. Acts of service can be quite small. For instance, you might buy her favorite brand of lotion at the store – because you noticed she’s out and because you love her.
Treat her. Even if you have long since passed the courting, dating phase, prepare a surprise or treat for her just to show that you care. This works equally well in stressful and usual times. Take care of random, small things. Pack her lunch. Does she normally balance the check book? Get out your calculator. Does she Plan a surprise outing. Say, “I want to show you how much I appreciate all that you do for us, so I’ve planned a special outing.”
Showing Love through Gifts
Surprise her with a gift. Gift giving is one of the better and more understandable ways that people feel love. Who doesn’t like presents, especially when it is thoughtful and shows effort? It doesn’t have to be expensive – after all, it really is the thought that counts in this case. Gift giving shows that you enjoy giving and are sensitive to your lady’s likes and dislikes. It also shows generosity. For this reason, some people say that gift-giving men make better lovers. Try classic flowers or chocolates. An occasional card can work, as well. For some women, even very small or trivial tokens can be powerful symbols of love. Definitely make sure to give her gifts on important days like her birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s day, and your anniversary. But also make a habit of surprising her. A random gift – even a single flower – shows that she’s on your mind.
Put thought into gifts. The key to good gift giving is to be thoughtful. If your lady speaks this particular language, she may put more value on the intent behind the gift than the object itself. Put some thought into it. Give her something that she likes or will appreciate. When giving flowers, pick blooms that she enjoys to show that you’re especially attuned to her likes and dislikes The same goes for chocolate. Well picked truffles, her favorite, are much better than a box of assorted chocolates. Some women like to have their wants anticipated. Try to listen for hints that she drops. Did she casually mention how pretty a scarf in a shop window was? This could be your cue.
Plan a gift that speaks her language. One way that you can up the impact of a gift is to tailor it more specifically to your lady’s love language. This combines gift-giving with any other way that she feels love. For example, someone who values words might appreciate a mix-CD, a poem or song written just for them, or a love letter. Someone attuned to quality time might like a vacation, tickets to an event like a concert, a walk together, or a meal out. For acts of service, give her breakfast in bed, take over a project she’s been meaning to do, or handle the chores while she sleeps in. For physical touch, give her a massage, take her dancing, or plan a physical activity together like rock climbing.
Showing Love through Quality Time
Plan activities together. For people who feel love through quality time, the essence of “quality” is togetherness rather than just proximity. They want shared feelings, focused attention, and memories. Sitting in the same room without talking will not cut it. She wants to be your friend as well as your lover. Simply making time to switch off the TV, sit down, and talk with her will show that you care, to say nothing of the fact that you enjoy her company. Play a board game, go bowling, go for a walk. Your options are endless, and all that you need is an activity that brings you together. Quality conversation can be one form of this language. Get rid of distractions and talk, sharing feelings, thoughts, ideas, and desires. Focus on her. Make sure to listen when she is talking and to give her your undivided attention. Don’t interrupt when she is talking and maintain eye contact.
Share meals together. It may seem like a small thing, but meals together build stronger relationships. They are one of the few times in the day when we can sit down with friends and family, with no distractions from work, electronics, or school, and really converse. Try to sit down for at least one meal per day with your lady, like dinner. Eating together is a small investment of time, maybe an hour or 45 minutes in a day, but the rewards are large. Studies show that sharing meals lead to healthier psychological and physical outcomes.
Don’t lose contact for a long period of time. Lest she feel neglected and hurt, don’t go for periods of time without writing or calling if you are busy or away. Some people get caught up in work or life and slip off of the social radar. However, those of us who speak the language of quality time need that daily contact. Be sensitive to your lady’s need for your presence. Say that you’re away on business and on a very tight schedule. Still try to call her at the end of the day to say “Hi” and “I miss you.” If you haven’t seen her for a few days, call her to tell her how much she means to you and that you can't wait to see her again. At the very least, send a loving email.
Showing Love through Touch
Be affectionate with touch. When it comes to showing love through physical touch, we don’t just mean sexual touch. Any kind of physical affection is welcome, whether it is holding hands, hugs, cuddling on the couch, back rubs, or just an arm around the shoulder. If your lady speaks this language, make sure that she feels your affection. Incorporate touch into your daily routine. Hug your loved one before she goes out for the day. Give her a kiss as you pass her in the hallway. Put your arm on her shoulder while pouring her morning coffee. Put your arm around her when sitting together at home, on the bus, or on a bench. Hold her hand while walking. Be attuned to her feelings about public displays of affection. Some women might like being kissed in public, while others might feel uncomfortable.
Give her lots of hugs. Hugs are a basic and very human way of showing affection. They reduce stress, release feel-good hormones, and promote bonding while making us feel more secure. If your lady speaks the language of touch, don’t stint on hugs. Studies show that hugging releases the hormone oxytocin, which reduces stress, makes us feel content, and even promotes monogamous behavior. Hugs are a big form of non-verbal communication. A hug says a lot, from “I love you” and “I’ve missed you” to “I’m so proud of you” and “Everything will be OK.”
Make time for sex. One benefit of non-sexual physical affection is that it can lead to better sexual intimacy. People who touch, hug, hold hands, and are more openly affectionate often report having better sex lives and. Make sure to devote time to sexual intimacy with your loved one. How often it occurs is up to you as a couple. For some couples, once or twice a week is enough; some like it more frequently or even multiple times per day. If you have different libidos, sex can be an “act of service.” If she’s ready and you aren’t, being available anyway is a way to express your love and devotion. Remember to be a generous lover. Sex isn’t just about fun and pleasure but about creating emotional intimacy. Cuddle after sex, talk, and use it as an opportunity to be close in all ways.
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