What are the 4 loves?
The 4 types of love are storge, philia, eros, and agape. These terms date back to Ancient Greek and early Christian philosophy, but they were popularized for a modern audience by C.S. Lewis in his 1960 book, The Four Loves. According to Lewis, love can be broken up into four distinct categories (which we'll explore in depth in the next sections): Affection or familial love (storge) Friendship (philia) Romantic or passionate love (eros) Charity or unconditional love (agape)
Storge (Affection)
Storge is the Greek word for familial love. Most often used to describe the bond between parents and their children, storge is a type of affection that grows out of familiarity and dependency. It’s long-lasting, and it grows steadily over time through closeness and shared experiences. The parent-child relationship is the most common example, but you can also feel storge for other family members, friends, pets, roommates, or members of your community. Examples of storge: A parent caring for a baby who can’t yet fully reciprocate their love. Doing chores around the house for the benefit of all your family members. Helping to take care of younger siblings (babysitting them, driving them places, helping them with homework, etc). Visiting your grandparent, calling to check in on them, or driving them to a doctor’s appointment. Feeling a sense of camaraderie and familiarity with a group of people you interact with often, like your class at school or a club you’re a part of.
Philia (Friendship)
Philia is friendship or companionship. This is the platonic (non-romantic) type of love that you feel for your best friends. It’s built on a shared sense of goodwill and warmth for one another, and it often grows between people who have similar beliefs, values, and interests. That feeling of safety, comfort, and belonging you get when you’re around your besties? That’s philia! Examples of philia: Philia can describe any deep platonic connection, including those between best friends, favorite work colleagues, or even siblings. Philia can also exist between romantic partners who have been together for a long time. At the start of a relationship, eros (passionate love) likely drives the connection, but over time, a deep friendship forms, going beyond desire or physical attraction. These friendly feelings would be another example of philia.
Eros (Romantic love)
Eros is passionate or sexual love. This form of love is closest to our modern definition of romantic love. It’s all about desire, longing, physical attraction, and the intimate connection between partners in relationships. It’s also more intense and euphoric than the other three types of love—in fact, in Greek myth, eros was seen as a form of madness caused by Cupid’s arrows. Examples of eros: Any passionate, intense romantic connection would be an example of eros. Think newlyweds, teenage sweethearts experiencing their first love, Romeo and Juliet, Rose and Jack from Titanic…you get the idea!
Agape (Charity)
Agape is unconditional or sacrificial love. Often seen as the highest form of love, agape is universal, and it doesn’t depend on familiarity or reciprocation. It involves putting someone else’s needs above your own and loving them wholeheartedly, whether or not they “deserve” it. In Christian philosophy, the most common example of agape is God’s unconditional love for humanity. However, agape also includes charity and altruism, which are all about showing love and care for other people, without expecting anything in return. Examples of agape: God’s love for humanity, and humanity’s love for God. Random acts of kindness for a stranger in need (stopping to help an elderly person with their groceries, paying for somebody’s coffee if they’re short a few dollars, etc). Forgiving others who have wronged you, even if they haven’t “earned” it. Volunteering your time, money, or resources for a charitable cause. Sacrificing something important to you for another’s happiness.
Other Greek Words for “Love”
According to the ancient Greeks, there are actually 8 different types of love. Thanks to C.S. Lewis’s book, the four types we’ve already discussed are the most well-known, but the other four are equally fascinating. Here’s a breakdown: Philautia: Philautia is self-love. Depending on the amount one has, philautia can be healthy or unhealthy. Too much self-love leads to hubris (pride or over-confidence). This leads one to put themselves before others too much. On the flip side, the right amount of self-love leads to a healthy dose of self-esteem, which is essential for success. Ludus: Ludus is playful, uncommitted love. It encompasses things like flirting, teasing, and dating around. A friends-with-benefits relationship, in which two people are just having fun with no strings attached, would be an example of ludus. Pragma: Pragma is practical love. It’s founded on a sense of duty, reason, and commitment, rather than passion or desire. Examples from history would include arranged marriages, especially if two people were paired up for political or financial reasons. Mania: Mania is obsessive, frenzied love. It involves intense feelings of possessiveness, jealousy, and attachment, and it’s often irrational. A modern-day example of this type of love would be obsessively checking a crush’s social media to see if they’ve posted, or daydreaming about them so much that you neglect other responsibilities.
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