How to Tell Someone You Won't Go to Prom with Them

Rejecting the Offer

Talk to them alone. Rejecting them around others can sting, so find a way to talk to them one-on-one. Be gentle and tell them you're sorry, but you can't go to prom with them.

Be polite. Rejecting someone can be hard, but being rejected can hurt. Thank the person for asking you to prom, then let them down gently. “Thank you, but I have other plans,” or, “I'm flattered you asked, but I'm not interested in going to prom with you,” are both direct but polite ways of turning someone down. Sometimes the other person can get annoyed or defensive after a rejection. Their feelings are important, but yours are, too. Stand your ground and don't let them convince you to go with them anyway; coercion isn't cool.

Give them an honest answer. Honesty is important, especially if you plan on going to prom still and don't want to hurt their feelings. Tell them you have other plans. Saying you want to go with your friends or already have another date is fine, so long as those answers are true.

Use a 'compliment sandwich'. Combining a negative with two positives is a great way to turn someone down and can be used in many ways. Give the person a compliment before you reject their offer, then follow the rejection with another compliment. Saying something like, “It was really sweet of you to ask me, but I'm not interested in going to prom with you. You're a great person, and I'd love to stay friends” lets them know you are still happy they asked, but can't accept their offer. It cuts through some of the sting and awkwardness of a rejection.

Tell them if you've changed your mind. Sometimes you accept a prom invitation quickly, or they asked you in public and you didn't want to embarrass them. If you've changed your mind, make sure they know as soon as you do. Letting them know within a day or two of accepting gives them time to find a new date and takes the pressure off of you. Be gentle with your words. One way to phrase it could be, "I wanted to talk to you about prom. I'm really flattered that you asked me, and I know I said yes to going with you, but I can't anymore." If they ask for an explanation, be honest. "I don't want to go with a date anymore," "I didn't want to embarrass you in front of everyone by turning you down," or, "I don't want to go to prom," are all fine.

Suggesting Alternatives

Offer to hang out with them at prom. Let them know that, while you don't want to go to prom with them, you're happy to take a picture together or dance with them if you bump into each other at the event.

Offer to help them find another date. Maybe you know someone else who would love to go with them, or they have someone else they were also thinking of asking. Ask them if they want you to put in a good word for them or find out if someone else is interested. To offer them help with finding another date, you could say, "I'm sorry that I can't go with you; is there anyone else you were thinking of asking? Maybe I can help set you two up!" If you know someone else who is interested, try, "Thank you for asking, but I have to say no. I know someone else who would love for you to ask them, though!"

Say you'd love to hang out, just not at prom. If you aren't going to prom, or want to go with someone else, let them know you aren't against hanging out with them some other time. Offer to plan an outing where you can spend some time together away from prom. For example, you could say, “I'm flattered you've asked me, but I already have other plans. How about we hang out some other time and maybe grab some pizza?”

Be kind. It's hard to muster up the courage to ask someone to be your date to prom, so try not to hurt their feelings. Stay kind, polite, and empathetic: use a softer tone of voice, don't laugh at them, and don't gossip about them to others.