Determining the Changes You Want to Make
Visualize your future. Ask yourself what you would like your life will look like in 5, 10, and 20 years. Spend some time imagining your future. The situation you imagine should provide a clue to the person you'd like to become. This may be hard at first. When you try to imagine you future, your mind might go blank. But often, when a person thinks about this question there is an image that pops into his or her head momentarily. Try to capture an image, however brief it may be. Did you have a brief image of sitting with a spouse in the living room of the house you own? Maybe you had a brief image of driving along a beach at sunset. Or maybe you saw yourself at the business you own talking to clients. Odd as it sounds, try simply imagining the types of things you like looking at. Get curious about noticing what you like and why, because those details can help you figure out who you are.
Consider the future you visualized. Once you've got a clear picture of the future you'd like to live in, think about the qualities or characteristics you displayed in your vision. Specifically, think about what type of person you were in that image. This is the person you should strive to become. Maybe you were being assertive at your place of business. Possibly you seemed successful and carefree driving down the coast. Or you maybe you notice how giving, comfortable, and accepting you were as you sat with your spouse in your living room. These are the qualities you should try to take on as you reinvent yourself.
Visualize an alter ego. If you are having trouble imagining a future self, try to imagine a present-day alter-ego. If you could lead a double-life and be anyone, who would you be? Spend some time thinking about this question in detail. What does this person do, say, act, and wear that makes them your alter ego? How does your alter ego interact with others? What does she do for a living? For example, imagine an executive who has a successful career at the top of her company. She went to college, got an internship, and started her career in the ordinary way. She approaches others in a considerate, professional manner. She always wears appropriate business attire. Her alter ego might be a strong, opinionated woman who wears leather and drives a motorcycle. She works at a tattoo shop and plays guitar in a band on the weekends. She doesn’t second-guess her opinions and will tell them to anyone. She is assertive with others, and typically achieves her end. Sometimes it takes time for your subconscious to show you who you are or who you would like to be. Allow yourself to imagine expressing yourself differently, and be okay with surprising yourself with what your brain comes up with.
Decide what your alter ego means. Your imaginary alter-ego should give you clues about who your true self is. Some of the characteristics of your alter ego will suggest characteristics you wish to attain in real life. The woman in the example might not change her entire life. But maybe she would develop a more daring fashion sense and attend rock shows on the weekends. Maybe she would decide a tattoo would make her feel edgy. Or, she might take an assertiveness training class so that she can feel more confident sharing her opinions. You don't need to entirely become the person you visualized, unless you really want to. But, some of the characteristics you saw are part of your true self.
Create a vision statement. Your next step is to develop a statement or goal about who you want to become. Use the insights you gained from one or both of the exercises above to develop this vision. If you'd like, you can try collecting your visual ideas on a platform like Pinterest, where it can be easier to notice trends. Turn your ideas into statements such as: “I want to be an assertive business owner. I like the idea of being completely in control of my days and business choices.” Once you have a general statement, ask yourself some questions to test it out and make sure it's right for you. For example: Does this statement sound interesting and meaningful to you? Do you feel conflicted about it? What part of it has you feeling conflicted? Do you downplay the importance of your quest to change when you talk to others about your plan? Do you feel as though you should pursue this because other people think it is right for you? Do you feel this is the right change for you? Does this statement seems to reflect who your really are? After thinking about these questions, alter your vision statement as necessary.
Making a Plan
Set priorities. Once you have an idea of the things you would like to change about yourself, put them in an order from most important to least important. Resolve to start with the most important. Remember that change is difficult. This means you do not want to attempt to change too many things at once. Furthermore, you may make the first change and realize that it is enough for you. Maybe the person you wanted to become was not so different from who you already were. Or, you may want revise your priorities after making some initial changes. Don't feel bound by your first attempt at setting priorities.
Determine the requirements. Once you've decided what it is you want to change, your next step is determining what you'll need to do it. For example, If you want to become more assertive, you will need to seek out resources such classes and reading about assertiveness. You may want to talk to a business associate who is assertive, and ask how he or she handles certain situations. You may take part in an assertiveness training group or class. Take an inventory of what you will need to start your journey. You may find this easier if you break down your change goals into steps. Think about exactly what you'll need to do to become the person you want to be, and make a plan for achieving each step. Breaking life goals down into smaller parts makes the process more manageable. It also makes it easier to see your progress. This can help you stay motivated. Setting deadlines for achieving these steps can provide more motivation and accountability.
Prepare for obstacles. Because you don't control outside events, there will be obstacles that stand in the way of becoming you want to be. Making a plan to deal with foreseeable obstacles will help you deal with them as they come up. For example, imagine you have several goals and it becomes too difficult to work on your top priority at some point. You might plan to work on another goal and return to the first one when circumstances are more favorable. For example, you may experience confusion or push-back from friends or family members. If you are becoming more assertive, for instance, some people may see this as bossy and react negatively. You could prepare for this with an explanation of what you are trying to achieve. For example: “I’ve been striving to be more assertive, and it’s a very important goal to me. You have probably noticed that I’m more forthcoming with my opinions and needs. I’m still practicing how to do this with tact, but I hope that you will support me in this goal.” You might experience time or money constraints. For example, you may save money for an assertiveness training class. But, you might have an emergency and need to spend that money. You could prepare for this obstacle with a backup plan. A reasonable plan would be to move back your goal completion date. You could continue to work on assertiveness through books until you have saved enough money again.
Following Through to Become a Better You
Practice new skills and habits. In most cases, changing who you are means doing things differently. Often, it means learning a new skill. Once you get started, take every opportunity to practice these new skills or ways of doing things. Incorporate changes into your daily communication. Strive to interact with others as the person you are trying to become. For example, imagine you are trying to become more assertive. You could start by taking note of situations in which you could have stated your opinion more firmly, or didn’t stand up for your own needs. Then you may work on stating your needs in a way that is not aggressive or threatening. Skills will become easier and more comfortable with practice. It may be scary at first, but making changes will get you closer to who you want to be.
Work consistently toward your goals. Any major change or accomplishment requires ongoing and concerted effort. Work on becoming your new self every day. A good way to create consistent progress is to set aside time in your daily routine for working on your goals. For example, you might set aside an hour every day for reading self-help books or attending assertiveness training. Keep in mind that to make big changes, you must invest a lot of time and effort. Working hard and consistently over a period of time is how you will become the person you wish to be.
Stay motivated. Change can be difficult, and when the going gets rough, it can be tempting to fall back into old habits. To help you stay motivated, keep your vision readily at hand. You can do this by recalling your mental image of what life will look like once you made the changes you want. Visualizing success can help bolster your motivation. You can also use physical reminders to keep your motivation up. You could post written statements or pictures that remind you of why you wanted to make a change. For example, imagine the new you is an assertive business owner. Find some pictures that depict that role. For example, you might clip a picture out of a magazine of someone giving a business presentation. You might also post some pictures of what you hope your office will look like some day.
Use mistakes and missed goals as learning experiences. Remember that failure is a part of working towards a goal. It is common to take 1 step forward and 2 steps back sometimes when you are working towards a goal. If you make a mistake or do not meet a goal, try to look at it as a learning experience and move forward from there. For example, if you are working towards a weight loss goal, you may have a week here and there where you do not lose anything or you gain a couple of pounds. This is a normal part of that process. Use these weeks as opportunities to tweak your diet and exercise program for better results.
Be open to change. People constantly change and evolve. What you like or want now may be different from what you wanted five years ago. It may also be different from what you will want 10 years from now. Be flexible and willing to change your vision if it stops being right for you. Recognize that making personal changes will also change the environment around you. For instance, if you decide to become more assertive, your communication style will change. Those around you will notice, and may change how they react to you.
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