How to Make Conversation With Your Boyfriend

Talking About Things He Enjoys

Ask your boyfriend about his hobbies. If your boyfriend is in a band, for instance, show interest in it by asking him about how band practice went after it ends. If he enjoys gardening, ask him what plants he is growing this season and check with him intermittently about the garden’s growth. Other subjects your boyfriend might be interested in include football, skateboarding, automobiles, surfing, exercise and fitness or electronics, among others.

Ask him how his friends are. For example, you could ask, "What's new with Mike?" or “Did Carlos ever get that guitar amplifier he was talking about?” Showing interest in the people your boyfriend cares about indirectly shows interest in him, too. Don’t be afraid to ask about your boyfriend’s friends’ problems. For instance, if one of his friends recently ended a relationship, you could ask, “So, how is Cynthia handling the breakup?” Next time you’re with his friends, refer to some of the amusing or interesting stories he shared about them.

Talk about your shared interests. If you and your boyfriend are both passionate about a certain band, you could say, “I love this new record. Have you heard it?” or “What is your favorite song from that new album?” If you’re both passionate about literature, you could make conversation with your boyfriend about a book you’re reading, or talk to him about joining a book club. You might also be able to engage in conversation with your boyfriend by talking about a shared political ideology or religious belief, or a love of cooking, motorcycles, or something else entirely.

Find out what your boyfriend is passionate about. Ask your boyfriend, “What is the one thing you could never live without?” or “What do you want to do with your life?” Broad questions like these can kick-start a great conversation and help you understand what drives your boyfriend. Follow up on these questions by asking why he is so passionate about the thing that drives him. Prompt him to think deeper about where his passions come from. For instance, you might ask, "Do you think this has to do with your upbringing?"

Spicing Up Talk About Everyday Things

Ask your boyfriend to tell you two interesting things about his day. Sometimes people get into regular schedules that seem uninteresting to them, but could be interesting to you, and vice versa. Asking for at least two interesting things will inspire your boyfriend to step back and look more closely at his day. Additionally, ask your boyfriend how he felt about the two interesting things. If it’s not obvious to you why the two things your boyfriend named are interesting, ask him why he found them interesting. If he has trouble naming two interesting things, help him out by asking, “Where did you eat lunch? What did you have?”

Share a news story that made an emotional impact on you. If you’ve recently heard a very happy or very sad news story, share it with your boyfriend. For instance, if a mine collapsed and the miners were miraculously rescued, share it with your boyfriend. You could say, “Did you hear the good news about the miners? I’m really thankful they have been rescued.” Encourage your boyfriend to discuss other recent developments in current events by asking him, "What events did you see in your newsfeed today?"

Ask your boyfriend how a memorable family member is doing. For instance, if his aunt is known to say or do outrageous things, ask, “So, how is our dear Aunt Linda?” Keep the conversation going by comparing how your boyfriend’s mom and your mom, for instance, are getting on. Even if your boyfriend hasn’t seen his family in a while, you could bring them up anyway. Reminiscing about funny family-related memories is a great way to bond.

Having Deeper Conversations

Choose a private, quiet setting for serious conversations. A noisy bar or party might be fine for casual, lighthearted conversation, but you should talk about more intimate matters in a different setting. The best time will vary depending on the preferences of you and your boyfriend, but a quiet room at home in the evening is probably best. If you don’t want to have discussions at home, you could meet with him in a private cafe booth or a library study room. Avoid discussing serious topics online or via text messages. It's too easy to have a misunderstanding when you can't see each other's facial experiences or hear the tone of voice. There’s no “right” time to have a more serious conversation. In some relationships, you won’t have serious conversations for several months, while in others, you will have serious conversations after a few years.

Discuss where you’ll both be in 5 years. This gives you and your boyfriend the chance to imagine your short-term future plans together. If your boyfriend is struggling to imagine that far ahead, share your vision for where you want to be 5 years on. Offer your advice for how he can best achieve his dreams. Guiding your boyfriend through a conversation about how he can achieve his ambitions will strengthen your relationship and make him realize that you are a great source of wisdom.

Ask your boyfriend what baby names he likes if you're in a serious relationship. This is a simple way to get him to discuss having kids. Choose a handful of both boy and girl names. For instance, you might ask him, “Do you like the name Ophelia?” or “If we had a son, what would his name be?” You could also ask follow-up questions like who you could name as the child’s godparents.

Start a conversation about marriage by being direct about it. Talking about marriage shouldn’t be awkward, so use a direct approach to break the ice. Ask your boyfriend if he’d like to get married some day, then ask follow-up questions about why he would or would not be interested in marriage. Ask additional questions about where he would like to get married, whether he would like to move to a new place after getting married, and so on. Dive deeper with questions about who his best man would be and how many people he would like to invite to the wedding.

Don’t pressure your boyfriend into talking about things he doesn’t want to discuss. Sometimes even a simple question like “What have you been doing today?” can seem exhausting or irritating. If your boyfriend indicates that he doesn’t want to talk about a specific topic or doesn’t want to talk in general, don’t prod him. Conversations with your boyfriend should, as much as possible, be pleasant and not forced.