- Be clear, concise, and specific. Lead with a hook that tells the other person what you want and grabs their attention.
- Ask fun, open-ended questions to encourage longer text exchanges, and bring up subjects that relate back to the other person's interests.
- Send engaging photos, GIFs, emojis, and upbeat and confident-sounding messages.
- Poke the other person with a good-humored text if you still don't hear back, or ask them directly why you haven't heard from them.
Start with a clear and captivating hook.
Short, dull texts like “hey” or “what’s up” may not catch the reader’s eye. Be clear about why you’re texting and lead with something more specific than “hey” to show them you want to have a proper conversation. Basic texts that don’t have a clear purpose or a catchy introduction to hook the recipient might not seem important enough to get a response. “You’ll NEVER believe what happened today! ???? Ready to hear some craziness?” “Hey, how did your vacation to Hawaii go? I’m dying to see some cool pics!” “I need your opinion on this shirt. Think it’s okay for an interview?”
Ask a playful question.
Fun questions make great icebreakers and keep the conversation going. Ask a question that will make your friend or crush smile—and motivate them to respond to you. Be sure to keep your questions open-ended; “yes” or “no” questions can limit your conversation, while open-ended questions give you a nice starting point for the rest of the chat. “If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? ????” “Quick! What are the 3 best movies you’ve ever seen? ????” “If you could make a wish to get anything right now, what would you wish for?”
Tailor your texts to their interests.
Recipients are likely to answer texts that appeal to them personally. Try chatting about their passions, favorite things, and school or work life rather than sending generic texts like “what’s up?” People typically enjoy talking (and responding) when the message is about something they care about. Consider what kind of text would make them happy and base your text on those ideas. “How’s your Game of Thrones binge going? I wanna know what episode you’re on!” “Have you seen that your favorite band is going to be in town? We could totally grab tickets!” “How have your guitar lessons been? Learned any cool songs lately?”
Take intriguing photos of your day.
Photos are engaging and make it easy to grab the recipient’s attention. As the saying goes: pictures are worth a thousand words. Send a photo of something captivating, amusing, or memorable from your day to get someone's attention. Even on an average day, there’s always something—whether it’s a funny street sign, a pretty flower you saw on a walk, or a pic of your pet. “Okay, I think I’m getting better at making latte art. Thoughts on my latest creation?” “Check it out! I just passed that park where we met all those years ago! ????” “Can you BELIEVE my cat? She genuinely thinks it’s comfortable to sleep like this!”
Craft happy, lighthearted texts.
Upbeat messages are more appealing than complaints or somber texts. Tone matters with texting! Think of lighthearted topics to chat about and approach every text with confidence and positivity—especially if you’re still getting to know the person or trying to attract a crush. It’s harder to respond to negativity, so many people tend to drag their heels and put off replying. Confidence is key in your text interactions, even when you’re unsure whether your crush likes you back. Build up your self-confidence and try not to doubt yourself, even if it takes a little while to get a reply.
Use emojis and GIFs.
Emojis and GIFs add to the fun, lighthearted vibe you want in your texts. Including a hilarious cat meme or celebratory GIF from RuPaul's Drag Race can warm your friend (or crush) up to conversation. Similarly, a couple of emojis can brighten up a text, making it more colorful and engaging! “I saw this on TikTok and couldn’t help but think of you! ????????” “Why is this GIF so funny? ????” Try not to use more than 1 or 2 emojis per text; more can seem a little overwhelming and excessive to readers. Alternatively, include several if your text is all emojis and no words—you can tell a fun story this way!
Send a completely blank text.
Blank texts will get the recipient curious enough to reach out to you. If you’re unsure what to say as an icebreaker, one easy trick is to send a blank text (by hitting the spacebar and pressing “send”) and then wait for them to respond. Blank texts are mysterious, so they might wonder what you meant! Tell them your phone was acting up, then use the opportunity to ask a question or check-in. “Oops, I think my phone messed up! Sorry! ???? I’ve been meaning to say hi, though—how have you been?” “Sorry, phone glitch! It’s been a while since we talked, though. What’s new in your life? ????”
Send a flirty message to a crush.
Flirty messages will get your crush thinking about you and prompt a reply. If the person you’re texting is a crush or romantic interest, try getting a little flirty with your texts. It’ll show them you’re interested in getting closer and prompt them to respond with something flirty of their own. The flirtier you get, the more they won’t be able to stop thinking about you! “OMG, stop thinking about me!” “Hey, stranger! Stop being a stranger. ????” “Miss me yet? ????” “Why don’t you text first?”
Mark the message “URGENT.”
A warning will show them that you’re counting on a prompt reply. If you're sending time-sensitive or emergency information to someone, using ALL CAPS and the word URGENT (or even marking it as urgent using your phone's software) is a useful technique. People are more likely to respond once they understand it is a serious matter. Alternatively, if it’s a more casual subject (but you’d still like to hear back as soon as possible), try prefacing the message with something like “Quick!” or "Alert!”
Match their texting style.
Mirroring a text’s tone and length makes the chat feel more two-sided. Look at the messages they’re sending you. What kind of grammar do they use? How many texts do they send at a time? How long is each text? Write replies that match the overall length and style of your texting buddy’s messages to help the conversation flow easier. For example, if they send a plainly-written 1-sentence question, don’t reply with a series of texts using lots of all-caps and exclamation points. Mirror the sender’s style and respond with a 1 or 2-line text. Try not to double-text whenever possible. Double-texting isn’t the end of the world, but generally, it’s best to avoid it. A whole string of texts can look overwhelming! Double-texting when you don’t get a reply also makes you seem a little desperate. Saying “what’s up” and then following up every 20 minutes with “hey!” or “where are you?” might get tiring for them.
End the conversation first.
They might think you’re a bit clingy if you always send the last text. When texting someone, it’s easier to get them to text you back (and initiate more conversations) when you end conversations before them and force them to send the last text. That way, you’re showing them that you don’t wait around for replies, which a crush might find alluring. Neediness over text can be a little offputting for romantic interests and friends. Try to be less available sometimes to make the other person take initiative and text you. Playing hard-to-get can be a powerful motivator!
Use humor to ask why they’re not replying.
Humor makes it easier to talk to them without sounding accusatory. Sometimes the other person might not realize they’re ghosting you or that their silence is bothering you. A quick, good-humored poke might be all it takes to get a reply! Give them the benefit of the doubt and ask them what’s been going on in a casual, playful way. “So you've been too busy with your cat grooming business to text me lately, huh?” “What's up with your response time? It's like texting with a dial-up computer.” “Slow down! I can’t keep up with your insanely fast response time.”
Ask directly why they’re not texting back.
Get on the same page in terms of texting habits and expectations. Being direct may help if the person is acting evasive. It’s also possible that they don’t have the same texting habits or understand what you want from them when it comes to texting. Ask them why they haven’t texted you back, but try not to sound angry or accusatory—be open and work to understand the other’s position. “I feel like I’ve been hearing from you less lately, and I was wondering if there’s a reason?” “Why does it take so long to respond when I text you? Is it something we should talk about?” You can also bring this up in person and say something like, “I’ve noticed it takes a while to get a response from you when we text. Is there a reason for that?”
Consider why they’re not responding.
Their reason for being a slow texter might have nothing to do with you! Think about who this person is, their relationship with you, and what they might be doing now. Depending on the nature of your relationship, there could be any number of social reasons you haven't gotten a response. They might be nervous, unsure of what to say, busy, or have technical issues. For example: if either of you has romantic intentions, they might hesitate to text back immediately to avoid seeming overeager. Many people choose to put their phones down as a way to disconnect. They may be working, in the middle of a conversation, sleeping, or even at a movie. Texting someone in the middle of the night or while they are on vacation will likely not get a response. Since phones and laptops have rechargeable batteries, it's always possible that the battery is just dead!
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