Covering All Your Bases
Tell as much truth as you can. You will feel better and there is less of a chance of getting caught if you share part of the truth. For example, if you say that you're going to eat with one of your friends, actually do it. Then, since you’re already out, you can do the other secretive activity on the way to or from the restaurant. To avoid getting caught, try to make sure that your secret destination isn't more than 15 or so minutes away from where you're supposed to be. It would be very stressful to get stranded somewhere hours away and then have to explain to your parents why you were there.
Turn off the location services on your cell phone. If you and your parents have an app like Find my Friends, your parents will be able to see where you are. Be sure that, if you and your parents have this app, you disable your location settings before going on a secret mission.
Don’t answer the phone if there is background noise. If you are in a place with noise that will give away your whereabouts, let your parents’ call go to voicemail. Then, immediately text them and explain why you couldn’t answer. That way, they won’t worry because they are hearing from you, and you won’t have to lie directly about where you are. In your text, you could say something like, “Sorry I couldn’t answer! Jessie was telling me an important story, and I didn’t want to cut her off. I love you! I’ll call back soon!” This will give you time to relocate to a quieter area to call them back, or to head home. If your parents know this trick or get suspicious when you don’t answer calls, try to duck into a bathroom or quiet hallway to answer the call.
Avoid saying you’re inside if you are outside or driving. If you call your parents to tell them you are, for example, back at your friend’s house getting ready for bed, make sure that you are inside when you call them. If you are standing on a street or driving in a car, the background noise could give you away. You don’t have to be at the friend’s house who you claim to be with, but just be sure you are inside somewhere quiet. If you must call them from a car while saying you are safe at a house, be sure to roll up the windows, turn off the music, and pull over if possible. That will reduce the possibility that they will hear a car honking or the sound of the moving car.
Keep items in your car to freshen up. Having extra clothes, a toothbrush, a hairbrush, and perhaps some makeup in your car will allow you to freshen up and look presentable before seeing your parents again. For example, if you want to go dancing in an outfit that your parents wouldn’t approve of, keep a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt in your car to change into. You can stuff the “inappropriate” clothes into your purse or backpack before you go back into your house.
Be careful about social media. Even if you do everything right, one thoughtless Facebook post from a friend could blow your cover. Ask your friends not to tag you in any photos or “check-ins,” and be sure not to post anything about your whereabouts that you don’t want your family to know. Even if they aren’t friends with you, other family members or family friends may see the posts and inform your parents. If you want to be able to post about things you do without your family knowing, consider making a private friends list with family members only. Then, when you post, you can choose to hide the post from those in that group.
Minimizing Your Parents’ Fears and Suspicions
Do your research in advance. Depending on how elaborate your lie is, you may need to do some research to make sure you don’t get caught. The best option is always to keep the lie simple, such as “we’re going to the mall” or “I’m staying late after school to catch up with Nicholas!” No matter what your story is, be sure that it will hold up even if your parents do research. For example, make sure that the mall is open when you say you’ll be there, and don’t say you’re staying at a friend’s house if your parents have that friend’s parents’ phone number.
Prove to your parents that you are a safe driver. Let them ride in the car with you and show that you are a responsible driver. Doing this may help your parents to be less strict and to worry less when you are out. If you don’t drive, then this step won’t apply to you. If you are having a friend pick you up, have them pick you up at school or at the end of your block instead of at your house.
Show your parents that you can make good choices. While some parents are going to be strict no matter what, sometimes a parent just wants to know that you have a good head on your shoulders. You can build trust with your parents by coming home at your curfew, completing chores on time, getting good grades, and introducing your parents to your friends. Another way to build trust is by talking with your parents about select personal issues, like a boy or girl that you like or a struggle you’re having with a friend. This can promote closeness and may make your parent give you a bit more freedom. If you know your parents won't like your friend, then introducing them could backfire. Use your judgment to decide if introducing a friend to your parents would help you build trust.
Call your parents often. Specifically, call your parents to check in when you arrive at a place that they can know about. This will ease their fears and help build trust. Tell them you’ll also call them when you’re on your way home. Try to avoid calling them when you are at the place where you’re not supposed to be. That way, you won’t be explicitly lying, and you reduce the chance of them hearing a background noise that doesn’t match where they think you are. Give your parents an estimated time frame of how long you’ll be gone. When you tell them, be prepared to explain why what you’re doing will take a long time. For example, you could say, “Mike and I are getting dinner. It might be a few hours because he is going through some difficult stuff that he wants to talk about. Is it okay if I get home at ______? I’ll call you when I’m on my way home.”
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