What is a femboy?
A femboy is a stylish young man with feminine characteristics. Being a femboy actually has nothing to do with your gender or sexuality. A lot of femboys are straight and cisgender, just as many are gay or bisexual. The important point of the whole femboy aesthetic is that acting or dressing in traditionally feminine ways doesn't really say anything about who you are or who you're attracted to. The fact that being a femboy has nothing to do with sexuality distinguishes femboys from drag queens (who are usually gay) and crossdressers (who are usually straight). The femboy style and aesthetic typically combines feminine clothing and accessories, such as skirts and knee-high socks, with more traditionally masculine pieces, such as T-shirts or hoodies. Pop stars such as Harry Styles who include feminine clothes and accessories in their fits have made a lot more guys feel comfortable being out as a femboy. The #FemboyFriday trend on TikTok has made the aesthetic even more popular, with cis straight guys even jumping on board. But what about the "boy" part? Some people hold to a stricter definition where only teenagers can be femboys, while others are totally cool with anyone under 30 calling themselves a femboy. The important part is that you act young and boyish and feel young at heart.
Becoming a Femboy
Build an affirming self-care routine. Self-care is a lot more than bubble baths and mani-pedis (although femboys certainly enjoy those too). As you're beginning to explore and express your feminine side, you're likely to have a lot of questions. Create a self-care plan for yourself that takes your needs into account. Journaling can help you reflect on your feelings as you start to open up and explore your femininity. Incorporate things that help you explore and celebrate your feminine side. For example, you might exercise by dancing to your favorite girl groups.
Start with small changes and build incrementally. Sometimes, doing too much at once can be overwhelming. Avoid that potential issue by becoming a femboy gradually rather than just overhauling your whole aesthetic all at once. Making small changes also allows you to get your feet wet and explore so you can decide what's right for you before you commit to anything specific. For example, you might wear bracelets and rings along with a shirt that has ruffled cuffs. If you wanted to look more masculine, all you'd have to do would be remove some jewelry and roll up your sleeves.
Shop at thrift stores for women's clothing and accessories. Thrift stores give you the opportunity to try a lot of different styles without spending a lot of money. That way, you can find what you like and figure out how you want to style it. The low prices also give you the freedom to take risks. Pleated skirts tend to look great on guys, as do tunics (especially if you have broad shoulders). You might also alter some of the clothes you already own to give them a more feminine vibe. For example, you might trim a T-shirt to bare your midriff or for an off-the-shoulder look. Look for a feminine cardigan that could replace a jacket or hoodie in a more masc look. It's also pretty easy to find a women's cardigan that will fit your body.
Play around with makeup if it's part of your look. While femboys don't have to wear makeup, some of them do. Researchers studying a group of femboys on TikTok in 2022 noted that only 2% of their sample wore makeup. That being said, it's a pretty quick and easy way to feminize an otherwise totally masc fit. Many femboys who do wear makeup tend to keep it simple, much like how a young woman would do her makeup during the day. Some femboys also use makeup in the same way women do, to smooth their skin tone or accentuate their best features. Femboys who are bolder with their makeup often offer tutorials on social media to help you achieve the same look.
Experiment with different hair styles. Femboys tend to grow their hair out a little on the longer side and favor softer, trendy cuts. Some also go for bold, asymmetric cuts or bright colors. Don't be afraid to ask for a traditionally feminine cut—hair is hair, if the stylist can cut a wolf cut on a girl, they can do it on a boy. If your hair is super short, you might get it trimmed into a pixie cut, which you can style in more feminine ways while it grows out. Many femboys get a longer layered bob, which can be styled in many different ways and can look either masc or femme. If you have African hair, twists are a great femboy option.
Spritz on a feminine perfume. Culturally, most people associate fruity and floral scents with women (and spicy, musky scents with men). Your scent can be an important part of your overall persona and femboy aesthetic. You might try a soap or body wash in a more feminine scent as well. Layering scents with your body wash, lotion, and some perfume adds complexity.
Feminize masc clothing with jewelry. One study of femboys on TikTok showed that more than half of them wore jewelry regularly in their video posts. Jewelry can be a quick and easy way to feminize even the most masc attire. If you're just getting started and don't have much feminine clothing, a few inexpensive pieces of jewelry are a great investment. For example, you might go for a strand of freshwater pearls, which works great for feminizing a basic t-shirt and blazer. Throw on a pleated mini skirt] and you're ready to go!
Shave or wax your legs. A lot of femboys who wear short skirts and bare their legs tend to shave so that they have smooth, girlish legs. Shaving or waxing your legs can also help you feel a little more feminine. Some femboys shave or wax all of their body hair, but remember—shaving isn't required to be a femboy. It's really just a matter of what you're most comfortable with. Keep in mind that shaving can be a commitment. If you change your mind, expect the stubble to be prickly and itchy for a little while.
Exploring Your Feminine Side
Check out women's fashion magazines for inspiration. The big names are a great place to start, but don't forget alternative mags, fashion bloggers, and social media influencers! There are lots of places to look for ideas, especially when you're just getting started. There are lots of femboy style and fashion inspiration boards on Pinterest as well. In addition to the clothing and styles themselves, pay attention to how women wear the clothes and how they pose in them. Mimicking these can help you look and feel more feminine.
Get your nails done. The simple act of going to a salon and getting a manicure will definitely help you embrace your feminine side. Plus, salons tend to be super feminine places, so soak up the vibe while you're there. You don't have to splurge on a professional manicure all the time. You can learn how to do your own nails or even throw a manicure party with a few femboy friends.
Work on a soft, higher-pitched femboy voice. While not all femboys feminize their voice, many of them do (and some consider it an essential part of their overall aesthetic). The most basic things you can do are get plenty of sleep and stay well hydrated—your voice will naturally be low and scratchy if you're tired or dehydrated. Speak more slowly than you normally would and focus on enunciating your words and keeping your consonants relatively soft. While femboys typically don't go as far as a transwoman would, they typically alter their voices to speak at a higher pitch or with a brighter resonance. They might also speak in a softer, more gentle tone. Most femboys favor a bright, high-pitched, girly voice—but not all of them! Play around with this if you're interested and you'll find the tone that works for you.
Practice more feminine stances and movements. Sit somewhere in public, like a sidewalk café or a park, and watch the way women move. The more you can emulate their movements, the more feminine you'll seem—even if most of your clothing is masc. This is something you can get some tips from other femboys on, but nothing's quite as valuable as just watching how women naturally move in the world and occupy space. Take note of the ways women move that are very different from the way men move. Those are areas you can focus on that will immediately make a big difference in terms of making you look more feminine. For example, you might note that most women tend to sit on the edge of a chair and cross their legs instead of sitting all the way back in the chair and spreading their legs. That simple change in how you sit can project more femininity.
Wear women's underwear or lingerie. Not all femboys do, but you might find that it helps you almost naturally move in a more feminine way. If you're not interested in trying to wear a bra, a racerback tank can give you a similar feeling without requiring any stuffing.
Building Your Femboy Confidence
Follow other femboys on social media. Checking out stuff posted under #femboy on various platforms is a great way to get started finding accounts you want to follow. Femboys tend to be the most active on platforms such as TikTok that cater to younger users. Many femboy influencers also go into detail about their hair, makeup, and styling routines—if you see something you like, you can easily incorporate it into your own routine. On TikTok, leading femboys include @thatsusboi (Seth), @flawlesskevin (Kevin Ninh), and @imnotrozi (rozi). Connect with femboys who catch your interest and comment on their posts. Ask questions and get involved with the online community by jumping in on trends.
Embrace your femininity. It's really common for guys to have a hard time feeling comfortable displaying anything feminine. You might have been taught to hide that part of yourself. But the more you can learn to embrace and love your feminine side, the more confident you'll feel about expressing it openly. You might start with an accessory, such as a feminine scarf, that you can easily remove if you get too uncomfortable or if you're in a situation where you're worried how people might react. You might also think about embracing your feminine side even when you're dressed and presenting entirely masc, such as sitting with your legs crossed or swishing your hips when you walk.
Make friends with other femboys. Other femboys are just going to get you in a way that probably no one else can, and that's why surrounding yourself with other adorable femboys will help you feel more confident about your femboy self. It's a lot easier to feel comfortable dressing feminine when you're with two other guys who are doing the same thing. If you don't know any other femboys where you live, try reaching out to others online through social media. LGBTQIA+ events can be popular with femboys, even though femboys aren't necessarily gay. They also offer an environment where you can feel comfortable dressing or acting effeminate.
Read about fragile masculinity and misogyny. In the US and other Western cultures, fragile masculinity encourages people to look down on effeminate men—primarily because women are viewed as being less than men. Femboys disrupt this paradigm by embracing their feminine side, openly and with pride. Learning more about fragile masculinity can help you uncover other areas in your life that might have been affected. It's also much easier to embrace your feminine side when you're not harboring internalized feelings of hatred toward women. Learning more about these old-school norms can help you better understand why some things might make you feel uncomfortable so you can figure out how to overcome that discomfort.
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