Why Does One Fear Attachment In Relationships?

The fear of commitment can be an apprehension towards dedicating oneself to a particular entity or relationship for a long duration. People who shy away from long-term relationships or are afraid of getting attached frequently have commitment concerns. Most of the time, they remain unaware of the underlying causes driving this behavior.

Therapist Shaurya Gahlawat says it is crucial to understand the triggers behind such actions. In her latest post, the therapist wrote, “Recognising why you might push people away can be a powerful revelation. If you’ve been hurt before, opening up can seem like an impossible risk. You might have learned to rely on yourself, believing that needing others makes you weak, or even feeling overwhelmed by intense emotions and unsure how to handle them. These patterns, often shaped by past experiences or childhood unmet needs, can keep you from forming the deeper connections you truly crave.”

The expert elaborated on a few reasons why people have a fear of forming attachments:

One primary reason individuals fear commitment is the apprehension of being vulnerable in the presence of others, particularly if they have experienced emotional trauma in the past, said the therapist. Opening up can feel risky, and therefore, they build barriers to keep a safe distance.

Second, their needs as children might have gone unmet, and they grew up with carers who were emotionally distant or unresponsive. As adults, it leads to pushing others away when things get too close. They are unable to trust or rely on those closest to them.

Thirdly, they have had to fend for themselves for most of their lives, and they start believing that relying on others makes them weak. This frequently results in superficial partnerships that prevent deeper bonds.

Further, they believe that intimacy is not important in a relationship. Being close to people may make you uncomfortable or even lose control or sense of self.

When emotions get intense, they are unsure how to handle them. Instead of confronting, they shut down or detach.

Lastly, they tend to believe that if others know you, they will leave. So they maintain distance, avoiding emotional risk by not allowing anyone to get too close.

The therapist says that while it can be difficult to recognize these tendencies and open up, it’s about taking modest steps to let others in and making the connection.