New Delhi: From the days of Pandava's and Kauravas, King Asoka and Susima to the present day feud between the Mahajans and the Ambanis, warring siblings has been eternally a cause of concern for many parents. The rivalry could be over their parents' attention or over the more complex fight for power and inheritance.
Traditionally, the power conflicts have been more among brothers than among sisters and rarely between different sex siblings.
Delhi-based Management Executive Ritu Sharma (name changed on request) feels her relationship with her younger sister has always been very competitive. "I have always felt that I am held responsible for everything whereas she hardly gets blamed."
"Jealousy and trying to pull the other down are common aspects of our relationship. In fact, it's only now that we are somewhat close to each other," she admits.
On the other hand, a brother-sister relation seems to be more cordial. Purnima, an Art History student, fondly remembers her brother Aditya Bakshi.
"When we were kids, he used to bash me up sometimes. Those days are thankfully over. He is now a caring and protective big brother whom I miss when he is away on the ship," says Purnima, whose brother serves in the merchant navy.
Anand Kumar, sociology professor at the Jawahar Lal University, attributes same-sex sibling rivalries to the subtle comparisons introduced by society.
"Society hardly compares a boy to a girl but siblings with the same sex go through a competitive atmosphere," says Kumar.
Age difference between siblings too matters. The larger the gap the better it is, it seems. "The eldest sibling may find it difficult if the age difference is less," says psychiatrist Samir Parikh.
Kumar agrees. "In case of wider age gap, the elder sibling becomes a father figure and there isn’t too much competition," says Kumar.
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But when children grow up, new kinds of feuds emerge. In place of the usual "me-jealous-of-you" factor, feuds for inheritance and power take over.
Sociologist Tulsi Patel blames this on biased inheritance laws. "Our society accepts that men will fight for their inheritance. Women have equal rights legally but they aren’t customarily expected to stake claim," says Patel.
As siblings grow up and get married, they adopt different lifestyles and focus more on personal growth. "As daughters leave homes and enter another family in our society, such feuds mostly arise between brothers," he says.
With the rise of nuclear families, such conflicts have become complex. "Siblings are being brought up in nuclear families and they don’t know how to handle such issues which are of a traditional nature," says Kumar.
Agrees Parikh who feels that one must accept the reality of smaller families. "There are different directions and different necessities and a mature relationship takes these factors into account. One can be different and still have a good bonding between the two," he says.
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