Behaving Confidently
Build trust. To do this, spend time with her when you can. The idea is to treat her as any other friend. Listen to her problems, try to get to know her better, and spend time doing friendly activities such as going out to eat and watching movies. Don’t rush to gain her as a girlfriend or else she’ll view you as intrusive and only using her as tool for your own enjoyment. Stay independent. If you become clingy, she’ll view you as a friend only and not relationship material.
Create positive memories. If she feels positive emotions with you, she’ll think of you. Be attentive to her and go out and do the activities that the two of you can enjoy together. If she likes bowling but her boyfriend doesn’t, go with her. Avoid getting into arguments and neither encourage her relationship or talk negatively about her boyfriend. This may mean finding out about the weaknesses in her relationship and filling the gaps her boyfriend leaves. Listen intently to her complaints. Finding commonalities is a great way to cement a connection. If she wants to try skydiving but you want to go on a safari, link the two by explaining that as a desire to go on an adventure. If she wants to spend a lot of time with you, that is an indication that she is not satisfied with her relationship.
See her as she wants to be seen. Flirting is appropriate, but you must also treat her as an individual rather than a relationship object. To do this, listen to her and be encouraging. If she wants to be a photographer, for example, give her positive compliments and feedback. Remember there are no shortage of guys out there who will be interested in her for her appearance and will get in the way of her dreams, possibly including her boyfriend.
Maintain contact with other women. Being clingy is a sure turn-off for her. Show that you’re confident and don’t need her. This is very helpful against girls who send mixed signals. For instance, if you’re in a class together where her flirting changed to coldness, talk to the other girls. Get them to laugh. Her jealousy can provoke her to action. After communicating with other girls, ask her to spend time with you such as at lunch in a week. If she has a hard time accepting the invitation, she’s probably not interested enough to go out with you.
Communicating Effectively
Build up communication. Build some history. It may take time, but a girl isn’t likely to leave her boyfriend for someone she hasn’t known long. The happier the relationship she has with her boyfriend, the more patient you’ll have to be. Talk to her in ways that show you’re confident, comfortable, and assertive. To do this, develop your own self-worth. Keep good hygiene, exercise, eat well, and practice speaking in a mirror or with others. Approach while feeling secure. Speak clearly and maintain strong eye contact. Be direct when opening up a topic relevant to her. If she’s reading a book, for example, ask her about it, focus on it until the conversation begins to wear out, then transition topics.
Discuss different subjects. It’s easy to resort to droning on about your job or your friends. This is a mistake, since this is boring and everyone else talks about the same things with their friends. Instead, engage her. Keep entertaining facts and stories and use them in small amounts. A common communication trick people use is to ask deep questions of the other person that provoke more than a yes or no answer, such as, “You must meet a lot of interesting people as a bank teller, tell me about your favorite customer.”
Promote yourself. To do this, find out her ideal boyfriend. Ask her, “If you could be with anyone in the world, what would he look like? What would he act like? How would you feel?” Make it as vivid as possible then compare her boyfriend to that ideal. For example, if she says, “I want someone who will listen to me,” say, “Your boyfriend seems so busy, but I’m sure he tries his best.” Never insult the boyfriend or conclude his imperfections outright for her.
Don’t act like her second boyfriend. The girl you’re attracted to can have hundreds of guys telling her she’s beautiful. Don’t sit around heaping compliments on her and don’t simply do the things her boyfriend doesn’t do, such as listen to her relationship problems or buy her food. These will make you into a friend or a source of money or attention before she goes back to her boyfriend. Use your singleness. Stay mysterious, intriguing, and independent rather than expressing an intent to replace her boyfriend.
Flirt with her. The way to express your desire is to do it without saying it. Keep in mind that you need to make her want you without you telling her. Be verbally engaging and patient. Add in the occasional light touch on the hands, wrist, or shoulder, as long as she's comfortable with that. Over time you may find opportunities to add additional contact, such as when showing her how to roll a bowling ball or helping her climb during a hike. Do not inform her of your intentions. She'll see you as a threat to her relationship and this can make her feel uncomfortable and used. Since you're trying to involve yourself in her emotions, some mental discomfort will occur, but you should never make her feel threatened. Stop touching her when she tells you to stop. You should also never make demands. Don't try to make her choose between you and her boyfriend.
Steal a kiss. After some time of being friends, you can try to show physical affection. Use your judgment as to when the moment’s right. You should be alone and have established attraction through flirting, closeness, and positive experience. Don’t force the issue if she rejects this gesture. Rather than continuing to lay affection on strong, it may be more useful to you to leave her with that kiss and let her think about it. This is a risky move, but can be necessary to cause emotional confusion if you’re stagnating in a friendship zone. If this scares her away, you should stop pursuing her.
Comments
0 comment