Being Ready for a Relationship
Make sure you aren’t just afraid of being alone. You shouldn’t start dating a girl just because you want to be part of a couple. That can make you desperate, which means you may wind up scaring her off by being too clingy and possessive. You should be happy on your own before you start dating someone new. You should have your own hobbies, interests, and friends that you really enjoy even without a romantic relationship in your life. If you aren’t happy with those things, work on them before looking to date a girl.
Don’t expect her to “fix” you. If there are issues in your life that you wish would go away, such as insecurities or anxiety, you can’t expect that the girl who you date will magically make them go away. A girlfriend shouldn’t be responsible for sorting out your problems -- you’ll either attract someone who has a savior complex or she’ll wind up resenting you, and in both cases, your relationship probably won’t work out. If you aren’t able to deal with the problems that you’re facing on your own, you may want to talk to a therapist or counselor, who can assist you in finding healthy ways to work through your issues before you start dating.
Know who you are. Sometimes when you’re looking to attract a girl, you may be tempted to portray yourself as someone other than who you really are to appeal to her interests. For example, if she tells you that she loves tennis, you might lie and say that you were a tennis star in school even though you’ve never picked up a racket. That’s a big mistake because she should like you for who you really are and you won’t be comfortable faking it. Have enough confidence to be yourself. Being yourself doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be open to new experiences. If she has a hobby or interest that she’d like to share with you, be willing to learn more about it -- and share your interests with her as well.
Dating for the First Time
Talk to your parents. If you’re a teenager who’s never dated a girl before, it’s important to make sure that you have permission. Some parents may want their children to reach a certain age before they’re allowed to date, so it’s important to discuss the situation with them. If you really like the girl but your parents don’t think you’re old enough to date, don’t argue with them about it. Have a calm conversation with them to explain why you think you’re ready to date. It often helps to remind your parents how responsible you are. Point out all the chores you do around the house or that you’ve been doing well in all your classes and extracurricular activities, so they can trust you. If your parents still aren’t convinced that you’re ready to date, ask them if you can go on group outings with the girl you like and some friends. You might even invite the group over for a movie night or other activity, so your parents can supervise -- and get to know the girl.
Determine if you’re mature enough. When you’re dating someone, you often find yourself in difficult situations that require maturity to handle properly. Before you go out with a girl, you should know whether you feel comfortable talking to her about how serious you’re willing to be about the relationship and what your boundaries are when it comes to sex. You also have to be mature enough to respect her feelings and boundaries in return. Don’t start dating just because your friends are doing it. Make sure that you’re ready for all of the baggage that comes with dating and not just giving into peer pressure because everyone else has paired off.
Figure out how much you really like the girl. It may seem obvious, but you want to make sure that you’re genuinely interested in the person who you’re thinking about dating. Thinking that she’s pretty isn’t enough either. Make sure that she’s someone who you share some interests with, so you know you’ll have fun together. Pay attention to how she treats her friends, family, and teachers too -- you want to date someone who will treat you with kindness and respect, so her interactions with others can help give you an idea of what to expect. It doesn’t hurt to ask some trusted friends what they think of the girl. They’ll have your best interests at heart, so they should be honest with you.
Make sure she’s close in age to you. You want to be sure that the girl who you’re dating is someone that it’s safe for you to be with. Dating an older girl may seem exciting, but it may not be the best idea. That’s because you may feel pressured to do things that you’re not emotionally ready for. Try to date girls who are no more than one grade ahead of you in school.
Dating Again After a Breakup
Ensure that you’ve gotten over the anger. After a breakup, it’s only natural to feel hurt and angry about how the relationship ended, particularly if your ex treated you badly. However, if you’re still feeling anger about a past relationship, you’re probably not ready to date a new girl. Your emotions are still tied up in the old relationship, and you need to work through the feelings before you can move on. If you’re still feeling anger and sadness over a breakup, it may help to talk about it. Discuss your feelings with family and friends who you trust, or see a therapist or counselor who can help you process your emotions.
Stop keeping tabs on your ex. When a relationship ends, you don’t necessarily stop caring about the other person. You may still be interested in what’s going on in her life, so you might ask mutual friends or look at her Facebook, Twitter, and other social media accounts to see what she’s up to. If you’re still that invested in her, though, you probably aren’t ready to date a new girl. In general, it’s a good idea to stop following an ex on social media. It’s often hard to get over someone when you’re constantly seeing her status updates and photos every time you log on.
Keep an open mind. If your breakup occurred because your ex cheated on you or otherwise betrayed you, it can be very difficult to trust new people afterward because you assume everyone will be like your ex. However, it’s not healthy to enter a new relationship if you’re suspicious and cynical about the girl even if she’s given you no reason to doubt her. You shouldn’t start dating again until you feel you’re ready to trust your new partner. Being open-minded doesn’t mean that you should blindly offer your trust and ignore possible warning signs in a new girl. However, you shouldn’t judge anyone based on past hurt that you’ve experienced.
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