Finding Out if Someone Misses You When You've Drifted Apart or Broken Up
Suggest a meeting and pay attention to the person's reaction. If you sense that a friendship is waning and you want to know whether your friend misses you, invite them to get together for something friendly and light, like a cup of coffee. If your friend reacts enthusiastically, it's likely that they miss you, too. On the other hand, if they postpone the meeting or seem reluctant to get together, recognize that they probably don't miss you. Be honest but non-accusatory about missing your friend. Say something like: “I miss our fun Friday night hang-outs! Do you want to get together again soon?”
Talk about the underlying issues. If your friendship has grown distant and you're not sure why, it may be more helpful to talk directly with your friend about the cause of the distance. Tell your friend that you've noticed that the two of you are not as close anymore. Ask if you did anything to cause offense or to hurt your friend. If the answer is yes, be ready to listen to what your friend has to say without leaping to your own defense. It may be helpful to ask directly if the person misses you, but be careful about putting them on the spot. If they feel accused, they might not answer honestly.
Talk to mutual friends. Be clear about your needs and intentions. For example, you can tell a friend: “I feel like I've grown further away from our mutual friend lately, and it makes me sad. Do you think it would be worth it for me to reach out to them right now?” Listen thoughtfully to the reply. Don't ask about whether someone misses you only in order to make yourself feel better.
Let relationships end naturally. Recognize the signs of a friendship that is coming to its close. There may be long silences or awkward gaps in the conversation. Making plans may be more difficult. Misunderstanding may happen more often. Not all friendships are meant to last forever; as interests and lives evolve, so will relationships. If your friendship is coming to an end, don't obsess about whether your friend misses you. Instead, celebrate the good things the friend brought to your life and move on.
Don't mistake “I miss you” for “I want to be with you.” Even if a former friend or ex-partner does miss you, that doesn't necessarily mean that they want to restart the relationship. You both may be mourning the loss of the good parts of what you had together. However, that doesn't mean that getting back together is a good idea.
Finding Out if Your Partner Misses You When You're Not Together
Notice how often they call or text. If the person is often reaching out to talk, they probably miss you when you're not around. Everyone has different styles around communication, but frequent phone calls and messages are a good sign of investment in a relationship. If the person is kind of popping in and out of your life to check on you, they're probably missing you and wondering how you feel. That behavior is usually called "submarining".
Listen to the tone of their voice. When someone misses you, they will sound engaged and eager when you do speak. If the person sounds distracted when you're catching up after a long time, it may be a sign that they didn't miss you.
Be honest when you're feeling insecure. If you feel anxious or insecure when your partner is away, it's better to be honest about it. Asking, “Did you miss me?” or “Do you still love me?” is unlikely to address your real feelings. If your partner says, “Yes,” you might not believe them, while if they say, “No,” you'll feel even worse. Instead, ask directly for the reassurance that you need. For example, you could say: “I've had a terrible day and I'm feeling pretty lonely and insecure tonight. Can you indulge me with some extra support and tell me that you love me and miss me?”
Pay attention to what they share with you. If your friend or partner shares images or links that made them think of you, it means just that: they're thinking of you. When you are not together, you are still in the person's mind. If it's an ex-partner, see if the person is peeking through your profiles in social media. Liking and commenting on your posts, even though you're not really close anymore, can sometimes indicate that they miss you. Presents are another way of demonstrating caring and engagement. Even if you don't always love the thing a friend or partner got you, recognize that this, too, is evidence that they were thinking about you when you were not together. If they are eager to tell you about the details of their boring conference or flight connections, recognize that it's probably because they want to keep talking to you. Sharing mundane details is a way of maintaining connection across distance and shows that they miss you when you are apart.
Pay attention to non-verbal cues. If you are far apart, it may be harder to read the signs of affection in your partner's body. If you can talk by video, look for a tilted head and sustained eye-contact. Over the phone, a softer or higher tone of voice conveys intimacy.
Recognize the signs of suffering from separation. Pair bonding between couples means that separation can cause increased stress and anxiety. If they are especially worried or unsettled while you are apart, it may be that they are missing you.
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