How to Adopt a Child if You Are Gay

Researching Adoption in Your State

Learn your state's adoption laws. Most states don't have specific laws dictating who can adopt based on sexual orientation. Unfortunately, certain states still have laws that make it more difficult for LGBTQ people to adopt. Since your state's laws will have a big effect on the adoption process, be sure to read up on exactly what to expect. In most states, the decision as to whether gay adoption by two people is legal is made on a case-by-case basis when the adoption is finalized. Some states allow joint-couple adoptions, making it easier for a gay couple to adopt together. Joint adoptions are legal in all states where gay marriage is legal. Other states only allow one member of the couple to adopt. In this case, a separate second parent adoption is often an option.

Know your options if you live in a restrictive state. If you live in a state where LGBTQ adoption is restricted, it certainly doesn't mean that adoption will be impossible. It may just be a longer, more complicated process. Finding in-state resources to guide you through the legal procedures in your state is key. That way, you'll have support in place in case you encounter challenges. Contact your state's equality organization. There you'll find information about how to adopt as an LGBTQ family or single person in your area. Consider connecting with other LGBTQ adoptive parents in your state as well. Knowing other people who have been through the process is invaluable. You may also want to speak with an attorney. Laws change frequently, and it will be helpful to discuss them with someone who is up to date.

Consider the role of your adoption agency. As an LGBTQ individual or couple, you may have more challenges than others do when it comes to adopting a child. That's why it's very important to use an agency that has your best interests in mind. This is especially true if you live in a state with restrictive adoption laws. An LGBTQ-supportive adoption agency will have experience navigating the laws and completing successful LGBTQ adoptions. An adoption agency that does not actively support LGBTQ adoptions could become an obstacle. It will be up to the agency to present your file to potential birth parents, do a home visit, and so on. It's imperative that they don't have an underlying prejudice against you before proceedings even begin.

Choosing an Agency

Research and evaluate agencies. Look closely at their websites to determine whether they are supportive of LGBTQ adoptions. Check out the pictures, read the literature, and look for signs that they are LGBTQ friendly. Many agencies will provide a special page on the site with information for LGBTQ families. You should feel comfortable with the agency from the get-go. Be alert to any red flags that may be cause to rule out an agency. For example, agencies with a traditional religious affiliation. no pictures of LGBTQ couples and no mention of LGBTQ adoption may not be the best choice. If possible, ask other LGBTQ adoptive parents for a referral as you get started on your search for an agency.

Call and speak with a staff person. You may also request an in-person meeting so you can ask questions in person. This will help you get a feel for the agency's attitude toward and policies for LGBTQ families. Ask the following questions to determine whether the agency will be a good choice for you: How many LGBTQ families has the agency worked with? What percentage of all families the agency represents are LGBTQ? How long do LGBTQ families typically wait to get matched with a child? If it's in a state with restrictive laws, how does the agency navigate restrictions regarding LGBTQ adoption?

Find out how the agency represents LGBTQ families to birth parents or mothers. If you would like to adopt an infant, the birth mother will probably have a say in who gets to adopt their child. It will be the agency's job to present her with good potential matches. Make sure the agency regularly presents birth parents or mothers with LGBTQ candidates if they believe they are a good match. The agency should present LGBTQ candidates unless the birth parent/mother specifically requests heterosexual candidates only. This particular issue can result in a very long wait time for LGBTQ candidates, especially in more conservative regions. Make sure the agency does everything possible to ensure fair treatment for LGBTQ candidates.

Ask how the agency handles intercountry adoptions for LGBTQ families. If you are considering international adoption, it's important to find an agency that has a specific plan regarding LGBTQ families. Ask how they navigate cultural and legal differences when it comes to placing children from other countries with LGBTQ families.

Choose an agency with other characteristics that meet your needs. In addition to being LGBT supportive, the agency you choose should offer the options that are right for your family. See How to Adopt a Child for more information on the ins and outs of different types of adoptions. Here are some factors to consider when you're making your choice: Do you want to adopt an infant or an older child? Do you want to adopt domestically or would you prefer an international adoption? Do you want an open or closed adoption? Do you want to adopt a child from the foster care system or a private agency?

Going Through the Adoption Process

Be open about your sexual orientation. Due to the fact that many parts of the US still have discriminatory practices toward LGBTQ families, it's no wonder that many people feel insecure about revealing their sexual orientation right away. You may be afraid that it will disqualify you from being able to pursue adoption with that agency. However, it's best to be up front about this important part of your life right away. Here's why: You have the law on your side, even in restrictive states. Even in places where LGBTQ marriage isn't legal, a single LGBTQ individual can adopt. If you reveal your sexual orientation, you'll be able to gauge the agency's attitude and abilities immediately. If you sense unfriendliness or a lack of willingness to engage, you should rule out that agency and find a better one.

Be yourself during your interviews and home study. Every agency has some version of an interview process and home study. These are geared toward getting to know you better, assessing your financial status, and evaluating your home. Before an agency will match you with a child, they want to know what kind of parent you'll be and whether you're financially up to the task. Although this may sound intimidating, the best course it to be yourself. Put your best foot forward and don't try to hide anything. Withholding any type of important information, including your sexual orientation, can be grounds for excluding you from the application process. You'll undergo a background check, financial evaluation, and more. The process may feel invasive. However, if you feel that the person interviewing you or conducting a home visit is asking inappropriate questions or exhibiting prejudice toward you because of your sexual orientation, this is inappropriate. Inform their supervisor.

Go through the process of finding a match. After you've completed your agency's requirements for adoption, they will begin the process of matching you with a baby or child. This can take months, and even years in some cases, but eventually a match will be found and you'll get to meet the child. If you're adopting an infant, the birth parent/mother will select you based on a profile you submit. You'll usually meet with the birth parent/mother one or more times prior to the birth. After the baby is born, you'll be able to legally adopt the child. If you're adopting an older child through the foster system or a domestic or foreign agency, your case worker or social worker will spend months finding a good match. At the end of the matching process, you will get to meet the child and mutually decide if it's a good fit.

Finalize the adoption. Work with an attorney to file the necessary paperwork to complete the adoption. Depending on the state, you'll need to fill out a petition for adoption. After the paperwork has been filed, you'll have a court hearing, during which a judge will decide whether to legally recognize the adoption. For infant adoptions, the birth parent/mother may need to be present to sign over their parental rights. In court, you may be asked to speak about your intent to love and care for the child as your own.

Look into second parent adoption if necessary. If you adopted a child as a single parent, your partner won't have legal parental rights. He or she will need to go through the adoption process separately before being recognized as the child's legal guardian. If both partners are equally involved in parenting, this is an important step to take for the health and security of your child. For example, in the event of a medical emergency, a partner who is not the child's legal guardian will not be able to make medical decisions for the child. Other complications involving the child's education, finances, and so on could arise.

Getting Support

Take action if you feel you're being discriminated against. If during any part of the adoption process you feel you are being treated unfairly because of your sexual orientation, contact an LGBTQ advocacy organization for help. You may be advised to have a mediation or switch adoption agencies, depending on your situation.

Get connected with other LGBTQ adoptive families. From start to finish, the process of adopting a child can be complicated and emotionally taxing. Every state has support groups for LGBT families going through all stages of adoption. From choosing an agency to getting through home visits to enduring the long wait before at match is found, it helps to have the support of others who care. Contact your state's equality organization for a list of support groups in your area. Meet with people either online or in person, and keep in touch throughout your journey. Once you have adopted a child, you may want to stay involved to help others just starting out. Financing adoption can be very difficult. Some LGBTQ organizations provide grants and financial aid to help out.

Learn what to expect from your community. Adopting a child is just the beginning. Navigating daycare, school, public programs and more can be more difficult as an LGBTQ family, especially if you are in a conservative state. As the adoption process comes to a close, find out more about how to handle the next steps you'll be taking as a family. Look into neighborhoods, daycares, schools, medical facilities and churches that are LGBTQ supportive. Decide how you will discuss your situation with teachers, doctors, classmates, and others who question your family structure.