What to Say
“I heard about Lola. It's terrible news—I’m so sorry for your loss.” It may sound simple, but one of the best things you can do for your grieving friend is just let them know you care. Acknowledge their situation, offer your support, and say that you're sorry they’re in pain. “My deepest condolences for your loss.” “I’m so sorry to hear this sad news. You’re in my thoughts.”
“I know there’s nothing I can say to make this better, but I wish I could.” Sometimes, acknowledging that there are no perfect words can be comforting to your grieving friend. Instead, just let them know that despite that fact, what’s important is that they have a loving support system around them—like you! “I know there are no perfect words, but just know that I care.” “Nothing I say could take away the pain you’re feeling—but I wish it could.”
“I’m just a phone call away. Please reach out if you need to talk." Though you can’t “fix” the pain of losing a beloved dog, you can offer your grieving friend something of real value: your empathetic ear. For many people, their dog is their best friend in the whole world. If this person is devastated, then having an understanding friend to speak with could be a huge source of comfort for them. “Even if it’s months down the line, I’m always here for you. Call me if you need anything.” “We can just sit in silence together—no pressure at all. And if you have something you want to share, I’m here to listen.”
“Is there anything I can do for you?” You may not be able to take away this person’s grief, but you can make their life a little easier while they’re facing this heartbreak. Ask what you can do to help them or, even better, suggest ideas yourself. Offer to handle a little housework or to run an errand, for example. “Can I pick up Evie from school this afternoon for you? You should take time to relax.” “I’d love to help you with whatever you need. Why don’t I swing by tomorrow afternoon to help around the house?”
“Buddy was such a great dog.” Help this person celebrate their incredible pet. Look them in the eyes, smile, and describe your favorite things about their pup. By reminding them that their pet was totally adored, you’ll warm their heart. “I always loved Sally’s golden fur. So beautiful!” “Max really was the best dog ever. He will be so missed.”
“I used to absolutely love watching Max play fetch.” Fond memories can help your friend feel close to their dog again. Brainstorm some of your favorite memories with their pup, then share them in detail. Talking about the strength of the emotional connection the pet had with its owner can help your friend through the grieving process. “Remember that time Izzy ran off at the park and we found her covered in mud? So funny.” “You know what my favorite memory of Champ is? That time he bounced the basketball off of his nose!” Honor the pet by talking about the good that they've done for this person, the strength that they've given them and focusing on that happy aspect.
“I saw a lake today that Sugar would’ve loved swimming in.” Going forward, use your friend’s dog’s name in conversation regularly. Try to incorporate their pup into your lives as often as you can—that way, your friend gets to keep enjoying their memory. “Should we visit the tree we planted for Leo today?” “Remind me what those treats are called? The ones that Blue absolutely loved?”
“We don't have dogs our whole life, but they make our lives whole...” Share a famous quote that celebrates the love between dog and owner. Your grieving friend's support system may not fully understand how deeply a human can love their pet. On a condolence card or in person, offer a message that captures the significance of this bond and validates your friend’s feelings. "Dogs' lives are too short. But that's their only fault..." "Today someone asked me what's the hardest thing about having a dog. I replied, 'The goodbye.'" "The loss is immeasurable but so is the love left behind."
“Everyone grieves differently. There’s no right or wrong way.” The truth is, grief looks different on everyone, and grieving for a pet is similar to grieving for a human companion, with all the grieving stages. If your friend is really struggling, they may also feel uncomfortable with their own grieving process. Do your best to reassure them. Remind them that what they're going through is difficult, and they're handling it with grace. “Your behavior is totally normal. Just take it a day at a time.” “You’re doing your best, and that’s all that matters.
“Have you thought about talking to a grief hotline?” Grief hotlines and support groups can offer immense comfort to those struggling. Suggest that your friend find a support group in their area or call ASPCA's pet loss hotline: (877) 474-3310. “I know some of these resources have been really helpful for friends of mine in the past. Want me to grab the number?” “Sometimes, talking to someone you don’t know personally can be really comforting. Maybe you should try to find a support group."
Thoughtful Gestures
Send your friend a pet sympathy card. Even if you can't be there in person, show your friend how much you care. This can be a huge source of comfort to someone grieving the loss of a dog. If you have them, include pictures of their pup for an extra special touch. Inside, craft a sweet, supportive message: "I'm so sorry for your loss. You'll be in my prayers." "We miss Shiner immensely. He was such an amazing dog. Our hearts are with you."
Bring your friend a meal. While they're struggling through the heartbreak of losing a dog, cooking is the last thing on your friend’s mind. Whip up their favorite meal or bring food that makes for great leftovers—like lasagna. If you’re not a great cook, offer to pick up an order from their favorite restaurant instead.
Send flowers. Buy them a nice bouquet, and it could seriously brighten up their home. Along with your gift, send a message that lets your friend know you’re here for them in their time of need. By showing them how much you care, you’ll make them feel less alone in their grief.
Make a donation to an animal charity. If your friend is an animal lover, choose their favorite charity and make a contribution. If you can dedicate your donation, give this gift in their dog’s name. This can help honor the life of your friend’s pet, maybe even bringing your friend some peace and comfort.
Offer to host a memorial service. Grief may take your friend's time, energy, and concentration—even if they’d love a memorial service for their dog, they may not have the bandwidth. Ask them if they’d like you to plan a memorial gathering. If you don’t have a ton of free time yourself, even a small get together can help honor the life of your friend's pup. Consider helping your friend write a eulogy for their pet, and let them choose if they’d like to share it with the rest of the service or not.
Help them create a special place to honor their dog. When pets die, it can be reassuring to know that there’s a physical location you can visit to get in touch with their spirit and memory. Help your friend plant a tree, buy an urn, or pull together a memory box that can honor their pup's life. This way, when they miss their dog, they have a place to go or a an item to hold.
What to Avoid
“At least you gave Spot a good life.” Though someone may say this with the best intentions, a phrase like this won’t make your friend feel positive. It'll just leave them feeling invalidated. Steer clear of this phrase.
“She’s in a better place.” Even if this friend is religious, they probably want nothing more than to have their dog back home with them. So imagining their pup in a “better place” will feel painful, not heartening. Pick something more supportive instead.
“He was just a dog.” For many people, grieving a pet is just like grieving another family member—completely devastating and life-changing. Treat this loss like the major event that it is. If you say something invalidating like this, it won’t help your friend find a new perspective, it’ll just cause them a lot of pain.
“Why don’t you try moving on with a new pet?” This might feel like a helpful suggestion, but your friend’s heart is still full of love for their old dog. Getting a new pup to fill this hole is probably unthinkable to them—so instead, choose a more helpful comment.
Comments
0 comment