New Delhi: Never go to a film with friends who are imaginative, they spoil the fun. By the way, there are spoilers ahead, so you may like to return to this article after watching the film.
Punit Malhotra wasn't a bad director when I last saw 'I Hate Luv Storys'. I still consider 'IHLS' as a heavy dose of happiness, and I watch it every now and then on TV. However, this time, Punit is running in a race against time.
Sometimes, cinema halls play a very important part in our otherwise dull life. The dimly lit theatres have always given birth to creative minds, and some of them happened to be in my proximity.
That reminds me of someone who gives DVDs on rent. Mr Dabas aka Dabba Da is known for his sense of humour and astrology. He is a bad businessman but a good astrologer because he predicts a film's story perfectly and nobody buys DVDs after hearing the stories.
The people with whom I watched the film don't think themselves any lesser than Hollywood writers and their claim to fame is that they recognised the real Teja in 'Andaz Apna Apna' before the climax, so I had to take them seriously.
I am not very sure about Dabba Da's role in this article, but he is a divine intervention in my life and thus I don't want to risk the wrath of a higher power by not including his quotable quotes in this piece. You can consider him a hypothetical creature with expertise in screenplay speculation.
Shot 1, scene 1: Where is our cute, charming South Indian boy?
Friend 1 (F1): He must be singing a song somewhere.
Friend 2 (F2): I think he is singing 'Dhatt teri ki' at a club.
He doesn't suffer from the superiority complex. He is just another self centred guy.
Dabba Da: Arre, a normal Bollywood film starts like that. This is the real cut to cut technique losers.
Shot 4, Scene 7: Mom, dad, I am a petulant brat, why don't you accept it?
F1: He should get married.
F2: He will be married.
Sriram (Imran Khan) meets Vasudha (Shraddha Sharma), who is immensely interested in hearing a story that doesn't hold any value for her. And, she loves someone else but she will wait till things get messed up.
Dabba Da: She has to act as per the script, no?
Yeah right, the character might be knowing the climax in her real life as well.
Shot 10, Scene 20: We are in love because you're a beautiful NGO girl, and I am a womaniser who is roaming around with your friend.
F1: She looks older than him.
F2: The other chick is cute but what is she doing?
Intercuts, flashback in flashback, some music. I am a bad guy, it's just that I am a good actor who hides his emotions.
Dabba Da: The hero will always go for the heroine.
Dia (Kareena Kapoor): You haven't changed Sriram.
Shot 12, Scene 35: I have to come across as a mean guy, but my face, urghh!
F1: Shouldn't they place a song here?
F2: You're not even looking at the screen.
'Dil duffer' hai na. Why did they hire a separate choreographer for this song?
Dabba Da: At least, some good songs are there, you should be thankful to the makers.
Let me know when next song comes, I am downloading an App.
Shot 5, Scene 53: I am a filmmaker with concerns. Let's go to a village where people do know about 'Lagaan' and typical Bollywood dance steps.
F1: Where is the pregnant woman?
F2: Where is the pregnant woman?
There she is. Now, spare me the horror and feature another song. Too much reality is tedious to handle you see.
Dabba Da: Ye toh too much ho gaya.
Dia: You haven't changed Sriram.
Shot 2, Scene 60: How many times do I need to repeat that I have been publicised as the hero of this film?
F1: What's wrong with him dude?
F2: He will stand up against the anti-social elements now.
All I know is how to smirk with slightly twisted lips. Also, I look good at a tilt down angle.
Dabba Da: I am stacking up the DVDs of 'Pyaar Jhukta Nahin', 'Himmatwala', 'Naya Daur', 'Mother India', it seems they are back in fashion.
Dia: You haven't changed Sriram.
What do I do now to show my changed heart? Gaane ka quota bhi khatam ho gaya.
Shot 7, Scene 70: Baby, run into my arms. Never forget your cue.
F1: Where should I run?
F2: Zzzzzz....
Dabba Da: Zzzzzz....
Dia: You haven't changed Sriram.
Go change your expression at least once before the film ends.
Shot 6, Scene 75: And, we are the hottest pair in Bollywood.
F1: Zzzzz....
F2: Zzzzz....
Dabba Da: Zzzzz....
What was the App you were downloading?
VithU.
Ok, send it to four people. I am not able to go home on my own.
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