What It Means to Have a Private Relationship

• In private relationships, the world knows two people are together, but they don’t know intimate details about the relationship.
• Couples aim to have private relationships to spend quality time together without societal pressures or influences.
• In order to keep a relationship private, couples must refrain from posting personal details about each other online.

What is a private relationship?

Those in a private relationship don’t share all the relationship details. Privacy is key in private relationships. The world may know two people are together, but the couple keeps intimate details close to their chests. The ins and outs of the relationship aren’t shared on social media but are reserved for each other and close friends. Basically, what happens in a private relationship stays in the relationship. Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn, Tom Holland and Zendaya, and Kristen Stewart and Dylan Meyer have or had a private relationship, for example. One of the leading pros of a private relationship is that there’s less pressure. Couples don’t need to worry about what other people think and can focus on themselves. Some view private relationships in a negative light, highlighting the most common con of secrecy. Their defense: if no one else is involved in the relationship, is it really a relationship?

Reasons for a Private Relationship

You can spend more time together. Spending quality time together can be much easier when you’re not worried about likes or public attention. When your relationship’s on the DL (down low), you can live in the moment. There’s no need to worry about capturing the perfect picture for Instagram or coming up with a sincerely funny caption. It’s just you and your partner, nothing else. Schedule regular dates with each other to build an emotional connection. Go to the movies, find a new favorite restaurant, or take a stroll through the park.

You can build a genuine connection. It can be easier to get to know each other without the pressures of what other people think. Take the time to ask each other about your likes, dislikes, interests, and experiences. Tell your partner what you need and want—don’t make them guess. Don’t be afraid to get deep with your partner. Building an emotional connection is all about trust, and since it’s just you and them, let them be someone you can confide in.

You don’t have to worry about pleasing everyone. Not everyone will always agree with your life choices, and that’s okay! Private relationships are a great way to explore your romantic options without stressing about what your mom or grandma may think. Your opinion and expectations for yourself are all that matter. Your relationship doesn’t have to be a secret—share it with others when you feel the time is right (just remember to keep those intimate details to yourself).

You can make choices without the influence of others. Sometimes you can feel pressured to make choices in a relationship. Maybe your mom doesn’t like your boyfriend’s long hair, or your friend thinks your girlfriend isn’t good enough for you. Minimize these pressures and the drama with a private relationship, as you'll only share what you want to share. Focus on what you want in the relationship and try to drown out any background noise. It’s your life, after all!

You can end things more easily. We know thinking about breaking up may sound counterintuitive, especially if you just started dating, but easier breakups are a perk of private relationships. Because the public doesn’t know the ins and outs of your relationship, breakup explanations can be vague. Maybe you’re “on a break” or weren’t the right fit for each other. If the time comes, you can agree on what can be said to protect yourselves emotionally. Think of it this way: if no one knows the details of the relationship, there’s no need to bug you for details about the breakup.

How to Keep a Relationship Private

Keep your relationship off social media. The number one rule of a private relationship: don’t post about it online. An occasional photo or comment is acceptable, but religiously sharing intimate details and photos is a red flag. It’s okay to say you’re with someone, but it’s a big no-no to post about every moment you have together. Do you post about your partner on social media a lot? If so, you’re most likely not in a private relationship. Ask your partner about posting a picture or update about them first. This way, you’ll both know what you’re sharing with the world.

Talk to your partner about what you want to share with others. Privacy is what makes a private relationship private. Before you share intimate details with friends, family members, or followers, have a conversation with your partner. Be open and honest with each other about what you want to keep between the two of you. This way, you’ll both be on the same page. For instance, financial struggles, family secrets, sex life details, and disagreements may be off the table when it comes to sharing.

Cultivate healthy boundaries. A wonderful thing about a private relationship is that it gives you time to grow as a couple. Connect emotionally and set clear boundaries with one another. What can you do for each other as a couple to strengthen the relationship? Here are some examples of healthy boundaries: Expressing that you don’t like kissing in public. Asking them to keep their area of the dresser tidy. Sharing that you can feel overwhelmed by other people’s feelings. Letting them know you don’t like people borrowing your things. Informing them that you need 1 hour each morning for your self-care routine.

Private Relationship vs. Secret Relationship

Secret relationships are hidden from the world, while private relationships aren’t. The 2 terms may sound similar, but they’re actually quite different. In a secret relationship, nobody is aware the relationship exists. In a private relationship, the relationship may be well known, but the intimate details of it are hidden. Think of it this way: someone in a private relationship may say, “That’s my girlfriend/boyfriend” in public, while someone in a secret relationship won’t. Secret relationships involve consistent lying (often causing harm to both parties), whereas private relationships withhold specific details from the public eye. Private relationships can quickly turn into secret relationships and vice versa.