How to Respond to a Compliment

Responding to a Compliment

Keep it simple. You may feel compelled to say all sorts of things when someone compliments you, but sometimes the best way to acknowledge a compliment is to simply say thank you to the person who gave you the compliment. Saying something like, "Thanks! That makes me feel great to know that you feel that way," or “Thank you, I appreciate the compliment,” is a perfectly acceptable way to respond. Remember to smile and make eye contact with the person who complimented you as you thank them.

Resist the urge to deflect or reject a compliment. Sometimes people feel the need to deflect or reject compliments by downplaying their efforts or abilities. In those situations, you might feel compelled to say, “Thanks, but it was really nothing.” While it may seem like you are being modest when you deflect or reject a compliment, it can make you seem insecure or like you are looking for additional compliments. Instead of deflecting or rejecting compliments, allow yourself to feel proud of what you have accomplished and simply say "Thank you." Pay attention to how you feel when someone compliments you. Rejecting or deflecting compliments may indicate that you have low self-esteem because having someone compliment you might contradict negative views that you have of yourself.

Acknowledge other people who deserve to share the credit. If you are complimented on something that involved the contributions of others, make sure that you acknowledge those people as well. Don’t take all of the credit for the accomplishment. Saying something like, “We all worked really hard on this project, thanks for acknowledging it,” will help disperse the praise to the other people who contributed to your accomplishment.

Return compliments sincerely, but not competitively. You may sometimes feel the urge to downplay your own abilities by redirecting a compliment you just received towards the person who paid it to you, but you should resist this urge. Saying something like, “Thanks, but I am not nearly as talented as you,” will give the impression that you are insecure and perhaps even trying to outdo the person who paid you the compliment. This type of response can also give the impression that you are sucking up to the person. Instead of redirecting the compliment you received, pay the person a non-competing compliment in return. For example, you could say something like, “Thanks! I appreciate that. I think that you gave a really great presentation today as well!”

Accept and respond to compliments the first time that you hear them. Don’t ask for an explanation or repetition of the compliment. By asking the speaker to repeat what they have just said to you or to explain the compliment in more detail, you will risk seeming vain or narcissistic. Accept the compliment for what it is and do not ask for reinforcement or explanations.

Redirecting a Backhanded Compliment

Remember that backhanded compliments are not about you. A backhanded compliment is an insincere compliment that is meant to be hurtful or insulting. If someone gives you a backhanded compliment, it is most likely due to their own sense of insecurity and rejection. Instead of hating the person for saying mean things to you, attempt to understand why this person might be so bitter. Understanding that the backhanded compliments are not about you will help you to respond in ways that will put them to a stop. For example, someone might give you a backhanded compliment by saying, “I wish I was as relaxed as you are about all this clutter!” The comment is phrased as a compliment, but it is actually an insult about your living situation. This comment is based in the person’s need to say something rude about the current state of your home rather than ignoring it.

Address back handed compliments. Don’t allow back handed compliments to go by unnoticed. If someone gives you a backhanded compliment, let them know that you understand that it was not really a compliment. Say something like, “I know you might have meant that as a compliment, but it didn’t sound like one. Is there something you want to talk to me about?” This type of response can help you to address the backhanded compliment and open up a discussion about what is causing the person to say these things.

Redirect compliments about intrinsic qualities that you do not feel are accurate. If someone compliments you on being extraordinarily lucky when you accomplish something, don’t thank them. By thanking them for such a compliment, you are implicitly agreeing with them that you didn’t really work hard for your accomplishment. You don’t have to be rude or aggressive with your response, you can simply say something like, “Maybe I am lucky, but I think that my success on this project was more due to hard work than luck.”