How to Know if He's Husband Material

Considering His Level of Respect

Notice how he treats you in a disagreement. Everyone has moments they aren’t proud of. Often, they reveal themselves during an argument. Watch how your partner treats you when you disagree. How he behaves says a lot about how much—or little—he respects you. He should never resort to name calling, physical or aggressive behavior, or anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. He should always treat you with respect, even during a heated argument. If not, it may be time to cut ties.

Pay attention to how he treats others. It’s been said that the way a person treats someone who helps them says a lot about their character. For the most part, this is likely true. Watch the way he interacts with others. It’s a bad sign if he is rude, mean, or disrespectful to others more often than not. You can often get an idea of a person’s level of respect towards you in how they engage with people you are close to. The man you are considering spending the rest of your life with should treat the people you love with kindness and respect, even if he doesn’t get along with them. If nothing else, he should treat them this way because he cares about you. You may consider ending things if he can’t do that.

Ask yourself if he tries to change you. No one is perfect, not even your potential husband. You are likely willing to accept his flaws ‘till death do you part, and he should do the same. He should understand that there are good, and perhaps not so good, aspects of your personality, and accept them happily. A person who is husband material shouldn’t make you feel guilty for having flaws. You should feel comfortable around them to be honest and not try to hide who you are. It’s probably time to find a new partner if they can’t accept the real you.

Question if you feel safe around him. It’s not your potential husband’s job to protect and shield you from the world. It is his responsibility, however, to make sure you never feel threatened by him. You should always feel comfortable enough to share your thoughts and feelings. It’s time to move on if you don’t feel safe when talking about potentially upsetting topics with him. Sure, he can be upset or mad if he doesn’t agree, but it’s never an excuse to behave in a way that makes you fearful. Ask yourself if you really enjoy spending time with him or if you’ve just formed an unhealthy attachment before you consider marriage. If you find that you feel afraid to speak up about something or feel genuinely afraid to break up, that is a red flag.

Ask yourself if he is willing to put effort into the relationship. Being a happy couple takes work for all involved. A successful marriage typically isn’t the result of one person doing everything while the other is content with simply showing up. Take a look at your history and ask yourself if he’s put in the same level of commitment to making the relationship work as you have. If he hasn’t, he likely doesn’t value your partnership as much as you do.

Evaluating Common Beliefs

Find out if he even wants to get married. You may think your partner would make an excellent husband, but how you feel is neither here nor there if he’s not interested in marriage. Inquire about his marital beliefs when you begin to feel he could be “the one.” There’s no point in continuing the relationship if you know you want to get married one day and he doesn’t. Ask him casually how he feels about marriage. You could say, “Do you ever see yourself settling down one day and getting married?” Listen to how he talks about other people’s marriages, as well. What he says about marriage in regards to others can reveal a lot about how he really feels. Do not get attached to the idea that he will change his mind for the right partner. While beliefs can change over time, it has to be his personal choice, not your pressure. What you see is what you get.

Examine if you share common values. There’s truth in the belief that opposites attract. However, there’s also the potential for major trouble down the road if you don’t share common values. What seems cute now could result in constant fighting a few years into the marriage. Couples don’t always have to share the same beliefs when it comes to faith and other important values. However, they should be respectful of what each other holds dear to them. Your relationship likely doesn’t stand a chance if your beliefs aren’t compatible with one another’s. For example, if you strongly value honesty, but your partner lies repetitively, this will be a major point of contention. Similarly, if you value spending time with family while your partner places priority on work relationships, you could be pulled apart due to your differences.

See if you have the same, or similar, goals. A good marriage doesn’t have to be one in which each spouse wants the same exact things in life. However, it does help if they are similar. Taking the plunge with someone who has a totally different outlook on life than you can cause trouble in the future. For instance, if you want to purchase a home, but he is comfortable with renting for the foreseeable future, you may encounter troubles. On the same token, if you know you don’t want kids and he already has names picked out, there’s probably heartache ahead.

Assessing Your Happiness

Question if you are happier with or without him. It’s unrealistic to expect that each day will be filled with hearts and butterflies. However, you likely found the love of your life if you feel you are a better person with him in your life than you are without him. True partners bring out the best in each other and make them feel better about themselves. Take a break if you’re unsure about the relationship. This will help you determine if you like your life better when he’s around. If not, it may be time to move on.

Ask yourself if he is supportive of you. Does your prospective life mate encourage you or try to bring you down? Does he give you compliments and believe in you or does he think what you do is silly and pointless? Part of being a good spouse is building up the other. You may not have found the man of your dreams if he is only interested in supporting you if it benefits him. You might have a keeper, however, if he is willing to take a step back to allow you to pursue your goals.

Look at if you have fun together. Couples that are able to enjoy themselves around each other are often the ones that last. You are able to have fun together when you complement each other’s personalities and allow each other to be yourselves. You don’t have to possess the same personalities, but your relationship is much more enjoyable when they work off of each other successfully. A sign to move on is when you’re unhappy more often than happy. Relationships aren’t about having fun all of the time, but there has to be some enjoyment in there to make them last.

Evaluate if he makes you feel good about yourself. He isn’t required to give you compliments all of the time, but he does need to make you feel good. This means not criticizing your weight, appearance, or IQ. You should feel like you are valuable to him. Consider looking elsewhere if he doesn’t make you feel like you are worthy of his affection. He should feel fortunate to have you in his life. He does not have to constantly praise you, but he should let you know how much he values you from time to time.