Preparing for Your Date
Shower thoroughly. Your date will start off on the wrong foot if you smell bad! Wash behind your ears, between your toes, and all around your private area (including the back). If you are male, shave your face closely if you have uneven stubble, or trim your beard and mustache if you have them.
Style your hair in a way that suits your current haircut. Long hair can look nice if it’s curled or braided, and short hair looks great if you gel back any flyaways. Make sure your hair is clean and well-combed. Carefully trim any nose or ear hair that’s sticking out with scissors, and pluck any stray hairs between your eyebrows with tweezers. Don’t use too much hair gel. If your hair is stiff and shiny after you’ve styled it, you’ve used too much! Your hair should still be able to move and bounce a little.
Take it easy on the makeup. You may want to cover any blemishes you have or enhance your eyes, but overdone makeup can look artificial. A little bit of eye liner or sheer lip color can look nice. If you want to wear makeup but don't have a lot of experience, head to Ulta, Sephora, or Target and ask for tips on how to enhance your features.
Clip your fingernails. Scrub the skin where the nail used to be to get rid of any dirt. Freshly cut nails can be sharp, so use a file to smooth the edges by running the file across the top of the nail several times in one direction. Don’t forget to smooth out the corners! If you’re wearing sandals, make sure your toenails are trimmed and neat, too!
Dab a small amount of perfume or cologne on your chest or neck. If you don’t want to buy a whole bottle of perfume or cologne for a date, go to the mall right before your date and spray yourself with a sample at a department store beauty counter. Consider coming back to buy the cologne if your date likes it, or if you find yourself using that trick often. Don’t layer several scents on top of each other, as the smells can mix and become overpowering.
Wear clean, appropriate clothes for your body and the location of your date. If you’re going to a coffee shop in the afternoon, a casual outfit of jeans and a T-shirt is fine. If you’re going to a nice restaurant late in the evening, a collared shirt, sport jacket, and slacks will look great on a guy, while a nice dress will look lovely on a girl. Match your shoes to the outfit, and make sure they’re comfortable if you’re going to be walking a lot. Avoid wearing shirts that have offensive or sarcastic statements printed on them. You will be more attractive if you project a positive image to the world.
Maintain good posture throughout the whole date. Pull your shoulders back, even when you’re sitting, and stand up tall. It will show confidence and garner respect. Even if your confidence isn’t very high, “fake it till you make it,” as they say. Standing up tall and smiling will give the illusion that you’re confident, even if you’re unsure of yourself!
Having Great Conversations
Put away your phone. Checking it all the time will give off the impression that you would rather be somewhere else. It’s fine to pull out your phone to show them something related to the conversation, but don’t rely on your phone when you have nothing to talk about.
Compliment them genuinely and kindly. Remember that there’s a lot more to a person than their appearance, and everyone appreciates compliments about their personality, intelligence, and sense of humor. Do not compliment them on the sexual parts of their body on the first date, since it will make it seem like you’re there with one goal in mind. Do not “neg” your date. Backhanded compliments like “You look a lot like my little sister, she’s in middle school!” or “You’re such a dork, but at least you're cute!” will hurt your date's feelings and drive them away from you. Don’t overdo it with the genuine compliments. Two or three throughout the whole course of the date should suffice, since more can come off as a demand for reciprocation.
Make eye contact, especially if they’re talking. Looking deeply into their eyes and nodding as they talk will show that you’re a good listener. However, don’t stare at them, and make sure you spend some time looking elsewhere every once in awhile.
Ask them questions about themselves. Ask about their job or hobbies to get the conversation rolling, and then follow up with questions about things you find interesting. For example, if they say that they went to school for psychology, ask what their favorite class was. Don’t let the conversation end with “oh, that’s cool” over and over. Don’t talk about yourself the whole time, as it can be seen as arrogant or self-centered. Don’t ask questions about previous relationships. It will make it seem like you’re comparing yourself to her past romantic interests, which comes off as insecure and annoying. Similarly, don’t talk about your ex-partners, as it may cause them to compare themselves to people they don’t even know! EXPERT TIP Lisa Shield Lisa Shield Dating Coach Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan. Lisa Shield Lisa Shield Dating Coach Try focusing on one subject to get to know the person better. Love and relationship coach Lisa Shield says: "If you want to have a really incredible conversation, avoid skipping around from subject to subject. If you ask a lot of different questions in a row, your date can start to feel more like an interview. Instead, take one topic, and ask deeper questions. For instance, when they tell you where they grew up, you might ask questions like, 'Tell me about that, what was it like growing up there?' and 'What did you do for fun?'"
Avoid sensitive topics like family issues, religion, and politics. A person who is uncomfortable will look down a lot, hold their arms close to their body or touch their face and neck, and shuffle around in their seat. If you’re talking and they looks uncomfortable, that’s your cue to switch the topic to something more positive, like music, movies, or hobbies. Current events can be a great conversation starter, but being too negative or trying to show off your worldly knowledge will not impress your date. If you talk about the news, tell them about uplifting stories by starting the conversation with “Hey, did you hear about…?”
Listen closely when they talk. Contribute a personal story that’s related to what you were talking about only after your date is done speaking. Interrupting to tell your own story can be seen as trying to one-up them, which will make them feel small and like their story wasn’t worth telling. It’s impressive if you can recall something they said a long time ago and work it into the conversation. For example, if they said they like hockey and you’re trying to think of things to do, offer to take them to a hockey game.
Being Polite and Following Through
Keep the touching to a minimum until they initiate more. If the date is going well and you want to make some physical contact, reach for their hand, upper arm, hair, or back. Keep your touching gentle and fleeting. Follow their lead, and don’t push for more touching if they’re wiggling away from you. When in doubt, ask for permission before touching them. Do not reach for the sexual parts of their body until you get clear verbal consent. “No” means “no,” even if they’ve been drinking or flirting with you at other times during the date. Buying them a meal is not a ticket to the bedroom. If they say no, it’s not the end of the world, but don’t keep trying to touch them in the same way (or a different way). Respect that they have control over their own body.
Kiss them if the mood is right. If they’re looking at you intently, looking at your lips, and moving close while not turning their shoulders away, you can slowly and gently go in for the kiss. Don’t use tongue; let them lead the depth of the kiss. If they break the kiss by backing away, don’t grab them and try to continue it; stop immediately. Keep some mints and a toothpick in your pocket, just in case you expect the mood to arise. Don’t try to force a kiss at the end of the date if it hasn’t been going very well. In that case, a hug or a swift kiss on the cheek to say “goodbye” is more appropriate.
Turn them down gently if you’re not feeling it. If you don’t feel the sparks flying, that’s okay! Dating is for figuring out what you do and don’t want in a partner. Don’t be mean and tell them they’re too boring, ugly, or loud. Be honest but tactful, and say, “You’re really great, but I just don’t feel the chemistry.” Offer to be friends, but make sure you mean it. Some people might not take you up on that after being rejected.
Call them back if you say you’re going to. They might not have felt the chemistry even though you did, so they might decline another date. That’s okay; at least you kept your promise to call back.
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