How to Get What You Want

Ask for what you want.

It's easy to underestimate the power of simply voicing your desires. If you can only get what you want from someone else, don't wait for them to read your mind. Ask for what you want with respect, confidence, and plenty of detail. Be detailed and specific, so there's no chance of miscommunication. It may help to plan out what you'll say beforehand. Write down your request along with a list of reasons to help your argument. Practice speaking if you tend to get nervous jitters. Make sure you're asking and not delivering an ultimatum. You want to make sure the other person has room to say no without feeling pressured! If your request is denied, try not to complain or sulk. Handle it with grace, and remember that you'll probably have the chance to ask again at a later date.

Define your goals.

Even if you already know, get into specifics. Think about your life, career, relationships, and more. What do you want from them? What do you want in 5 years or 10? What smaller goals do you have to meet to get what you want? You'll only be able to create a solid plan for getting what you want once you have clear and detailed ideas. It's easier to tackle your goals gradually in manageable steps. For example, if your ultimate plan is to get a raise at work, start small. Get to work early or make an effort to talk to your boss every day, and build from there! Write down your goals. It may seem too simple, but putting pen to paper is far more powerful—and more of a commitment—than just thinking about your goals. Go above and beyond when setting goals. Don't worry about staying "realistic" to avoid disappointment—challenge yourself and shoot for the stars.

Visualize the outcome.

Gain motivation by picturing yourself in the ideal life you want to build. Think about what your life would look like, who you'd be with, how you'd feel, and what you'd be doing. Think carefully about the details of this outcome, and take a quick moment each day to breathe and visualize the future for yourself!

Prove your value.

Work hard and build your reputation to become an irreplaceable employee. Identify a key position at work that needs to be filled and take steps to fulfill it. That could mean gaining expertise in your field, increasing your productivity, or striving to be more approachable and team-oriented. Once people understand your value and see how much you do, they'll be more inclined to give you what you want. It's also easier to ask for something you want when your track record speaks for itself!

Practice makes perfect.

Commit to training often when you want to get better at something. Think about what skills you'll need to accomplish a goal and make plans to hone them. If you're saving for the vacation of a lifetime, practice your budgeting skills. If you want to book gigs at a performance space, pick songs to rehearse and improve your skills as a musician. Come up with a regular practice routine and stick to it for the best results. On average, it takes 66 days for a person to form a habit. Keep practicing, and soon enough, you'll have an easy daily regimen that helps you work towards your ultimate goal.

Find a role model.

Look at people who have what you want and figure out how they got it. Odds are, whatever you want, someone else has wanted—and gotten—before. Study the challenges they overcame and what they did to make the same achievements you want to make. Use their path to success as a roadmap for your own. Reach out and talk to this role model if you can. Ask them for advice, including questions like "What would you do differently if you could?" Be authentic and considerate when you're networking.

Help others to help yourself.

Offering to help boosts your confidence and sense of purpose. If you're trying to advance your career, consider volunteering your time to help coworkers and superiors. Your boss would be grateful for your help, which in turn would draw attention to both your expertise and reliability. In short: when you help people, they also want to help you. Volunteer work can also be fulfilling if you're trying to switch careers. Use it as a chance to learn new skills and get career experience. Helping other people makes you feel good about yourself. The more you do it, the happier you get. Volunteering also gives you the chance to expand your professional network and meet new people. You never know when an opportunity will come along.

Be unapologetic.

When you apologize, you detract from your own confidence. Saying "I'm sorry, but…" to get someone's attention has become so common that some people associate it with showing respect, but it's actually just making you look less authoritative. Be polite without backing down, and remember to stop yourself when you instinctively go to apologize. Remember that you don't need to apologize for "bothering" someone. Just say, "Is this a good time?" or "Could I have a quick word with you?" instead. Disagree respectfully without making apologies. Rather than "I'm sorry to disagree…" try saying, "I'd like to look at this from another perspective."

Persist no matter what.

Accept that you might not get what you want right away. Achieving your dreams is absolutely within your power, but it takes time and persistence. Be creative and think of new ways to tackle your goals. If you keep working at it and refuse to give up, you'll get where you want to go. Be grateful for the little successes you have along the way. Start a gratitude journal so that you'll have a record of your accomplishments to look at on rainy days.

Leave failure in the past.

Remember that you survived, and you deserve to succeed. If you've experienced one too many failures in the past, it may feel difficult to keep trying. Motivate yourself and push through those fears by remembering that even when things don't go your way, there's always a new possibility to explore. Accept past failures without letting them control or define you. Look at your failures as valuable lessons. Then, you can learn to be thankful for them, too—because those failures teach you more than the successes do.

Believe that you'll succeed.

Cut out the negative self-talk and have faith in your abilities. It's easy to get preoccupied with thoughts of not being good enough, but everyone has insecurities. The next time you're feeling insecure about your chances of success, start thinking about all the reasons you're strong, capable, and already succeeding instead!