Wait until you’re not as angry to talk to him.
A clear head will make it easier for you to stay focused. It’s completely normal to feel hurt and upset after you find out your boyfriend is cheating, no matter if it’s the first time or if he’s done it before. Resist the urge to immediately contact your boyfriend and confront him. Instead, give yourself some time to cool off so you’re a little less stressed and emotional. That way, you’ll be able to have a rational conversation with your soon-to-be ex. It could take a few hours or a few days, but give yourself the time and space you need to process everything and approach the conversation logically. Avoid giving in to the temptation to attack him in person or online. It could turn into a messy scene that you might regret later.
Try to meet up in person.
Tell them it’s over face-to-face if you can. Give your boyfriend a call or send him a message saying you need to talk to him. Choose a place that’s neutral and where you both feel at ease such as a coffee shop or a park. Set a time where you can have some privacy and put away distractions like phones so you can talk. Try to avoid meeting up in places such as your home or his home, which can make it tougher to leave if things get heated. If you can’t meet up in person, try scheduling a video call so you can see each other or a phone call so you can hear their voice, which can give you insight into how they’re feeling.
Present any proof you have about their cheating.
Stick to the facts and try as best you can to keep from getting emotional. Talk about what you know happened between your boyfriend and the other person. Keep a clear head and present the information without getting angry or upset. Focus on the fact that you’re planning to end the relationship and all you need to do is get through the breakup conversation. It can help stop you from getting emotional. For instance, you could say something like, “I know that you hooked up with someone. My friend saw you two kissing at a party.” You could also try something like, “You said you were working late. I called your office and they said you weren’t there so you lied to me.” If he tries to interrupt or cut you off, hold your ground and say something firm like, “I’m not finished. Let me talk.” If your boyfriend tries to get up and leave when you tell him about his cheating, that’s fine. Let him go! Just let him know that your relationship is over as he leaves.
Listen to what he has to say about it.
Allow him to try to explain what led him to cheat. Don’t allow him to justify his behavior or blame someone or something else for causing him to cheat. However, you can give him the opportunity to be open about any problems or unhappiness in your relationship that may have contributed to his cheating. But keep in mind that cheating is a choice that he made and you don’t have to feel sorry for him or responsible for his actions. Sometimes, cheating can happen because the cheater felt mistreated or undervalued in a relationship. It doesn’t excuse it. But it may be helpful to you to know their logic. If he gets defensive or tries to shift the blame, don’t fall for it. At the end of the day, your boyfriend decided to cheat. Alcohol or the influence of another person isn’t a legitimate reason to do it.
Ask him for details if you need them.
It can give you closure and help you move on. You don’t need to know everything, but you might want to take advantage of your chance to find out more. Prevent asking yourself questions that can torment you in the future and keep you from moving on. Ask him for specifics, but avoid questions that end with the phrase “than me,” like “Are they better than me?” or “Do you love them more than me?” which won’t actually make you feel any better, whether he lies or tells the truth. For instance, the “Did you?” questions might help you move on. You could ask things like, “Did you take them to your bed?” or “Did your friends know?” If you don’t want to know the details, that’s totally fine, too. You don’t have to ask him.
Tell him you want to break up.
Keep it short, direct, and to the point. No need to beat around the bush. Once you’ve told him you know about his cheating, come right out and say that it’s over and you want to move on. You could say something like, “We’re finished. I’m breaking up with you.” You could also try something like, “I don’t deserve this. We’re through.” Show them you mean it by being clear and unemotional.
End the conversation once it’s no longer constructive.
A healthy discussion can help you end things with a feeling of finality. At a certain point in the conversation, you will have said everything you’ve wanted to say and you may no longer be interested in hearing what he has to say. That’s totally fine and it’s a sign that you can end it there. If you need to talk more about the breakup with them or if you need to figure out details like picking up belongings, tell him you’ll get in touch with him later. Otherwise, you can walk away from the conversation and the relationship. Say something like, “Well, I’ve said all I needed to say, so I think we’re done here.” You could also try, “I’ll call you sometime next week to come get my stuff and I’ll drop off yours as well.”
Leave immediately if you feel unsafe.
You don’t have to put up with abusive behavior. If your boyfriend starts getting aggressive or if you think he might try to hurt you, walk away as soon as you can. Get out of there before things get worse. If you need to, you can call the police for protection.
Allow yourself to feel upset.
You have the right to cry after being betrayed by your boyfriend. If you just found out your boyfriend is cheating on you, it’s completely natural to feel hurt. If you feel like sitting in bed all day or having a good cry—do it. Give yourself permission to grieve and acknowledge that your pain is real. Anger is normal, too. If you need to just scream, go for it. While it’s normal to feel really down and upset after finding out your boyfriend is cheating on you, if you feel like hurting yourself, reach out to someone like a therapist or counselor. They can help you better understand and deal with your feelings.
Avoid trying to hang out or hook up with him.
It can lead them on and may make it harder for you to move on. Changing your relationship to more of a “friends with benefits” arrangement may seem easier than a full-on breakup, but it can make things a lot worse in the long run. In order for you to move on, it may be best to stick to a clean breakup and avoid contacting or spending time around your ex. That may mean you need to unfollow (or even block) them on social media. You might also end up having to stop spending time around friends that hang out with your ex so you can avoid him.
Focus on taking care of yourself.
Do things that make you happy and make you feel good. Eat food that you enjoy and spend time indulging in some of your favorite activities such as binge-watching a show that you love, watching some movies, or just lounging around your home. Breakups can be tough, so be easy on yourself and have some fun. You can also get more active and go out for a run or take a yoga class if you want to try something new.
Change up your routine and environment.
It can help you from on from your ex. After you break up with your boyfriend, you may find that certain activities and places remind you of him, which can be especially difficult if he cheated on you. You don’t have to move across the country, but try to avoid things you used to do together. Go to a different restaurant, gym, or park. The less you’re reminded of him, the happier you’ll be.
Talk to a professional if you’re struggling.
A therapist, counselor, or psychologist can help you heal. Getting cheated on can really take a toll on your mental and emotional health, so it’s completely normal and understandable if you find yourself having trouble moving on. Consider reaching out to a mental health professional. They’ll be able to give you tools and strategies you can use to work through your feelings and eventually get through the tough time that can come after a breakup.
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