Avoiding Fights with Your Siblings
Set boundaries with your sibling. Your sibling may unintentionally annoy you because they don’t understand what behaviors or actions upset you. To avoid that, try talking to them about what boundaries are appropriate to you. If they cross that line after your conversation, go to your parents and ask them to intervene. Your boundaries may involve physical space, such as your right to privacy in your room or the safety of your belongings, but they can also refer to emotional space, such as your right to spend time alone or not continue a conversation that upsets you. If your sibling has a habit of calling you names, identify words that especially hurt you so they can avoid using them. You may want to have your parents present when you discuss boundaries with your sibling. That can help show your sibling how serious you are about the limits you’re setting.
Avoid situations that will upset your sibling whenever you can. If there are certain situations that trigger your sibling to act out, do what you can to keep yourself out of them. The easiest way to handle annoying behaviors is usually to stop them before they start. For instance, if your sibling is extremely competitive, try to avoid playing games where you face off against one another. If your sibling gets cranky when they’re under stress, try to give them plenty of space when they’re in high-pressure situations, such as studying for a test or preparing for a big game. Tip: Ask yourself how your attitude is affecting the situation. If you apologize and take more ownership for what you do, you might influence your sibling to do the same.
Take a few deep breaths when you start to feel upset. It may seem easier said than done, but keeping your cool when your sibling irritates you can be an effective way to avoid a big fight. Even if they’re really upset, try to take 5 deep breaths in and out to help you remain calm. Then, you’ll be able to address whatever they’re doing in a calm way, rather than immediately taking on their emotions. It can also help to count slowly to 10 in your head or take deep breaths before you say anything. You feel more relaxed if you’re sitting or lying down, so if you know you’re getting upset, take a seat to help your brain realize that it’s time to calm down. Reader Poll: We asked 364 wikiHow readers, and 54% of them agreed that the best way to cope with feeling upset or irritated around your family is to take breaks from spending time with them. [Take Poll]
Confronting the Problem Directly
Ask your sibling why they’re acting that way. One of the best ways to understand your sibling’s actions is just to ask them directly, in a polite voice, why they’re doing whatever they’re doing. While their reason might not be a good excuse for annoying you, it may help you find a way to resolve the issue. For instance, if you’re trying to read and your little sister is jumping on your bed or saying your name over and over, you might put down your book and say, “Why are you doing that?” In some cases, your sibling may be annoying you to get your attention. If you overreact to what they’re doing, you’ll be reinforcing the idea that acting out will get you to pay attention to them. Instead, you might try to include them in whatever you’re doing. Sometimes, your sibling might be snappy or irritable because they’re feeling nervous or scared about something. Wait until they’re calm, then say something like, “Hey, I feel like something is bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?” Talking to you might make them feel better, so they might be nicer to you in the future. Truly listen to what concerns them and what is bothering them. Ask them questions and listen to their concerns. Then you can better address what they want to know.
Tell your sibling how they’re making you feel. Sometimes, your sibling may not realize how annoying their behavior actually is. Whether something is hurting your feelings or is just really aggravating, it’s important for you to calmly express how you feel. In some cases, that might be enough to get your sibling to stop what they’re doing. For instance, if you’re annoyed because your brother won’t let you play with him, you might say something like, “It really hurts my feelings when you leave me out. How would you feel if I did that to you?” If your sibling is very young, use simple, clear language in order to help them understand the situation more easily. For example, you might say, "It makes me angry when you interrupt my homework," or "I get sad when you call me names." Keep in mind that this is definitely not a guarantee that your sibling will stop whatever they’re doing. Sometimes, they might even do something on purpose just because they know it annoys you, especially if they’re already mad at you. When you speak, practice kindness. Even if they are bothering and annoying you, remember they are doing this because they probably want to follow your lead and be a part of your world. Being kind and speaking with respect shows them they should do the same for you.
Try to find a solution that makes you both happy. Once you’ve both talked about how you feel, it may be easier to resolve the issue in a way that satisfies you both. Often, you’ll need to compromise, so you might have to be willing to give in a little to keep the peace. Just remind yourself that in the long run, getting along better will make everyone happier! For instance, if your sibling is bothering you because they want attention, but you need to study, meet in the middle. Tell them that if they’ll leave you alone for an hour, you’ll play whatever board game they want as soon as you’re done, for instance. If one of your siblings constantly borrows your things without permission, you might point out a few items that they are allowed to borrow, as long as they ask first.
Walk away if you start to get upset or angry. If you decide to confront your sibling directly, it’s important not to allow the situation to escalate into a big fight. If you can feel yourself getting emotional or you feel like you're losing your temper, leave the room to spend some quiet time alone. If your sibling starts to get physically aggressive, try to avoid the urge to push or hit them back. Instead, leave the room and immediately tell a parent.Tip: It can help to identify warning signs that your sibling is in a bad mood, such as raising their voice or getting red in the face, so you know when it’s best to avoid them.
Getting Help From Your Parents
Maintain a close relationship with your parents. By treating your parents with respect, taking care of your responsibilities, and following household rules, you’ll show your parents that they can trust you. That means when you come to them with a problem with your sibling, your parents will be more likely to take you seriously. Having regular conversations with your parents about what’s going on at school and with your friends can help strengthen your relationship with them. You can even talk about little things, which can help you talk to them often. For instance, when you're getting a snack after school you might say something like, "Mom, do you want to hear something funny that happened at school today? Mr. Johnston dropped his cup and coffee splashed up and got in his hair! Even he was laughing!"
Go to your parents when you have a serious problem with your sibling. You don’t necessarily have to run to your parents every time your sibling annoys you. However, if the issue has been going on for a while and you can’t work it out together, talking to your parents can help. It’s important to stay calm when you’re describing the situation to your parents, so stick to the facts without getting overly emotional. Be specific. Instead of offering a vague complaint like "John is being a jerk," say "John keeps interrupting me when I'm trying to study, and this test counts for 20 percent of my grade." If you’ve attempted to resolve the problem on your own, explain the steps that you’ve taken and your sibling’s reaction. For instance, you might say, “I’ve asked him several times to wait until I’m finished studying to ask me about his video game, but he won’t leave me alone.” Tip: Try to talk to your parents when they’re not busy or distracted. If they’re in a good mood and more willing to listen to you, they can appropriately deal with the situation.
Ask your parents to set consequences if your sibling doesn’t stop. Have your parents explain the specific types of punishment you and your sibling will receive for annoying each other on purpose. That may be enough to prevent conflict, because if your sibling understands that they’ll be punished, they may decide they’d rather not bother you anymore. Keep in mind that these same consequences will apply to you if you annoy your sibling, too!
See if your parents can help you get some space. Sometimes, your sibling may annoy you because you are forced to spend too much time together. It may not be practical to ask your parents for your own room, but you can still request some space and time alone when you need it. If you share a room with your sibling, have your parents set up a schedule so you each get some time alone in the room each week. Do the same with common spaces, such as the family room, den, or game room. For instance, your parents might say that you each get one hour of TV time alone each day, and while one sibling is watching TV, the other can relax in your shared bedroom alone.
Suggest family meetings to keep everyone on the same page. You may be able to avoid conflicts with your sibling if you clear the air regularly. Ask your parents to hold weekly or monthly meetings so you can all touch base on what you’re doing. This will also be a great space to talk about any concerns you have about your relationship with your sibling, because everyone will have a fair turn to talk. If you want to make the meetings more fun, ask your parents to plan them around activities, such as baking cookies or sharing a meal. That can help everyone feel relaxed, so you’re all more comfortable.
Establishing a Friendship
Spend time doing an activity with your sibling so you can bond. Try picking an activity that requires you to work together, or which will create special memories. The closer you and your sibling feel to each other, the less likely you’ll be to annoy each other. Commit to spending time together regularly, too, so it will become a habit. Some activities that call for teamwork include doing a puzzle, building a model, or cooking dinner for your parents. By working together, you’ll learn to cooperate with one another, and you’ll be spending your energy on something positive instead of arguing. If you and your sibling both enjoy a similar hobby or activity, try to find a way to make it special. For example, if you both like to ride bikes, take them for a ride on your favorite trail. If you like the same types of movies, plan a marathon of your favorites for just the two of you. Bond with humor. Point out what is weird and funny in your family. They’re probably thinking the same! Realize that humor can bond you together.
Be a supportive listener for your sibling. If your sibling is bothering you because they want attention, playing a more active role in their life may help. Take an interest in what your sibling is doing at school, as well as anything that’s important to them, like their hobbies and their friends. Make sure they know they can talk to you if something’s bothering you, too. For instance, if you notice your sibling seems really down, you might pull them aside and say something like, “Did you have a hard day at school? You can talk to me about whatever’s going on.” If your sibling discloses that they’re in danger in some way, like they’re afraid of a bully at school, encourage them to talk to your parents or another trusted adult. You can even offer to sit with them during the conversation so they’ll feel more comfortable. Be interested in them. Everyone is unique and your sibling is no exception. Find out what makes them tick. Let them entertain you. You may even learn something!
Open up about your life. Relationships are a two-way street, so if you want to be closer to your sibling, you’ll need to be willing to be open with them, too. Share as many details about your friends, hobbies, and favorite activities as you’re comfortable with, and let your sibling know that they can ask questions if they want. For instance, you might tell your sibling that you have a crush on someone at school, even if you don’t want anyone else to know. Lead by example and treat yourself with kindness. Taking good care of yourself, including what you eat, how much you sleep, and what you say about yourself and your body shows them that you respect yourself and they should themselves, too.
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