How to Act When You See Your Ex After No Contact (And What to Do Next)

What to Do If You See Your Ex After No Contact

Keep your distance if you can. If you notice your ex in public and don’t want to talk to them, keep your distance. Act casual, keep your head forward, and continue working on your activity or walking to your destination. Don’t break the no contact rule unless they approach you and speak first.

Keep conversations brief and superficial. If your ex notices you and starts chatting, keep things brief and avoid opening up about deep emotions, major life events, or feelings about the former relationship. It may be tempting to catch up since it’s likely been a while since you’ve spoken, but keep your conversations brief and make small talk things that are relevant to both of you, like the weather or the news. Ignore any probing questions or emotional statements. For example: Your ex: “Hey! I’ve missed you! What’s new with you?”You: “Hi! I’m fine, just trying to stay warm in this cold weather.”

Be kind and cordial. If your ex acknowledges you when you run into each other, do your best to remain kind and cordial. Try not to ignore them, even if you’re not eager to talk to them. Also resist the urge to publicly humiliate or blast them if you ended things on bad terms (it won't look very mature on your part and could lead people to think you're the "crazy ex"). Instead, smile and greet them with a kind “Hello! How are you doing!?” and keep the conversation relaxed and surface level.

Maintain open, confident body language. Licensed clinical psychologist Kim Chronister says to be aware of your non-verbals when you’re trying to act polite. If your facial expressions or body language convey discomfort or judgement, adjust your physicality to appear non-threatening but confident: Stand or sit up straight. Don’t be afraid to make eye contact from time to time. Keep your shoulders low and relaxed. Use soft, polite smiles. Turn your torso toward your ex to show you’re not uncomfortable or anxious.

Be honest about your current life. If you run into your ex and they catch you off guard by saying they’ve missed you or asking how you are, remain neutral and be honest with them. You don't have to go into detail, but avoid exaggerating to make your life seem more fantastic than it is. You also don't have to pretend to be especially happy or upset to see them—just maintain a neutral tone and try to keep things brief. Your Ex: “Hi! I can’t believe you’re here. I’ve been missing you so much! How have you been?”You: “Hi! TI’ve been doing well, thank you.”

Try making a joke if things are awkward. If your ex approaches you and talks about something that makes the situation tense or awkward, like how much their life has changed since you two broke up, lighten the mood with a joke. Life coach Rachel Kove says that looking for humor in a situation can help relieve stress and tension, and that “laughter is one of the most healing things anyone can do.” For example: Your Ex: “My life has been so different since we’ve broken up. I can’t believe it”You: “Same here! My toilet hasn’t clogged since the last time you used it! Haha!”

Look for a quick conversational exit to end the chat. If your ex approaches you and initiates a conversation when you don’t want to talk, look for an exit from the conversation. Spontaneous conversations often end abruptly, so don’t feel bad here. Excuse yourself by saying you have somewhere important to be or that you’re late for a meeting. For example: Your Ex: “It’s so nice to see you, I’d love to continue talking about what you’ve been up to if you have time.”You: “That’s sweet, but I actually don’t. I’m running late for an important meeting with my boss.”

Do you have to interact with your ex after no contact?

Don't meet, communicate with, or acknowledge an ex if they were abusive. If you broke off your relationship due to emotional or physical abuse (or any other severe red flag that makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable), do not contact or meet up with your ex. If you see them in public, ignore them (you don’t have to play polite and make small talk like in other situations). If an abusive ex continues to try to see or talk to you, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for guidance and resources.

Give an acknowledging wave or make small talk if things ended amicably. You can ignore a non-threatening ex or just give a head nod if you like. If your ex doesn’t seem interested or avoids you after the no contact period is up, it’s probably best to ignore them and not force an interaction. However, it probably won’t kill you to have a brief interaction if you can’t escape the situation—just be kind, greet them politely, and keep the conversation surface level.

What to Do after Seeing Your Ex

Continue no contact for your specified amount of time. You can’t help an accidental run-in with your ex, so don’t count this as a violation of your no contact time. If you have zero interest in getting back together, just end the interaction politely and continue on. Dating coach Michelle Jacoby says to block them on social media if it’s appropriate. It depends on the person and the relationship, but showing them you moved on involves having a strong boundary you won’t allow to be crossed, like blocking. If you intentionally put yourself in a position to see your ex, start your no contact time over.

Or, flirt subtly or hint at future plans if you want your ex back. If no contact has given you clarity on your former relationship and you think you want to try things again after seeing your ex, reach out to initiate conversation and just see how things progress. Ask him about their life, drop subtle hints that you’d like to rekindle things (like reminiscing on fond memories together), and flirt a bit when you see the opportunity. Don’t be over the top, but hint at your underlying feelings. For example: Your Ex: “It’s good to see you! I haven’t really been doing much, just playing some pickup basketball at the gym. What about you?”You: “Same here, just looking for things to fill the time, to be honest. I bet it’d be fun to cheer you on from the sidelines, haha!” Dating coach Cher Gopman says common mistakes people make when subtly flirting include talking too much about yourself and coming off as too available.

Setting Boundaries with Your Ex After No Contact

Establish what you are and aren’t okay with as far as communication. If you don’t want to be friends, explain to them that you don’t want them to contact you anymore, and take measures to avoid contact if needed. If you want to remain friends, relationship counselor Jason Polk says to be direct and communicate that you can stay friends, but if anything out of the friend zone occurs, you’ll cut the friendship off. Polk says that if you have a partner and you want to remain friends with your ex, let your partner know and have a conversation about whether they consider that acceptable in the relationship.

Texts to Send to Your Ex After No Contact

Rekindle things with your ex after no contact by reaching out over text. Once your no contact period is over, you are free to text your ex and rekindle a relationship if you want to. Remind them of a memory, be conversational, and try to spark their interest. If they don’t respond, it may be best to move on. If you’d like to try to rebuild your relationship with them, reach out with these texts: “Hey, do you remember that breakfast spot we went to a while back? I wanted to bring some friends up there but I can’t remember the name.” “Hey! I just rewatched the last few seasons of The Office and it reminded me of when we crammed a bunch of episodes into that two hour train ride! It just brought you to mind, haha. How have you been?” “Hey, I know it’s been a while. I hope you’re doing well! If you’re ever free I’d love to catch up over coffee.” “Hey stranger! I hope all is well with ya! We should grab a bite, sometime, if you’re up for it!” “Hi! I just wanted to reach out and let you know that if you ever want to catch up over coffee I’m always down. Just hit me up whenever! I hope you’ve been doing well!”