Cringey Bad Jokes
These jokes are so bad, they’re good. Get your friends laughing like crazy with one of these cheesy dad jokes. Not only is sharing dumb jokes a lot of fun, but laughing together is a great way to boost your mood and feel closer to your best buds! Nature is so resourceful. It can make dew with just water. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Why do melons have weddings? They cantelope. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. Did you hear about the beautiful wedding? Even the cake was in tiers. A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks: “Is this stool taken?” For a fungi to grow, you must give it as mushroom as possible. Why did the electric car feel discriminated against? Because the rules weren't current. I'm such a good navigator, a self-driving car once asked me for directions. I was going to grow some herbs, but I couldn’t find the thyme. Did you hear about the mediocre restaurant on the moon? It has great food but no atmosphere. How did I know my girlfriend thought I was invading her privacy? She wrote about it in her diary. A company is making glass coffins. Whether they're successful remains to be seen. I'm only familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why. At first, I thought my chiropractor wasn’t any good, but now I stand corrected. My toddler is refusing to nap. He’s guilty of resisting a rest. I have the world’s worst thesaurus. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible. I used to be able to play piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands. I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting in the middle of identical twins — I couldn’t differentiate between them. I’m already bored with my time machine, and I’ve only had it for a year. I probably won’t bother getting it. Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, “How do you drive this thing?!” A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says "I think I'm a Type O." Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Poor guy really needed some space. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
Dad Jokes for Kids
These cheesy jokes are a hit with children of all ages. You don’t have to be a dad to appreciate a good dad joke. Whether you’re actually a father or just enjoy corny jokes, these classic cringey puns and riddles are sure to make any kid crack up. Watch what you say around the egg whites. They can't take a yolk. I got an A on my origami assignment when I turned my paper in to my teacher. Why do people who live in Greece hate waking up at dawn? Because Dawn is tough on Greece. Mom keeps asking why I have so much candy. She doesn't know I always keep a few Twix up my sleeve. If a pig loses its voice, does it become disgruntled? If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It’s always 90 degrees there. I found a wooden shoe in my toilet — it was clogged. I got a new pen that can write underwater. It can write other words too. I hate my job — all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing. I wrote a song about a tortilla once—actually, it's more like a wrap. I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something. RIP, boiling water. You will be mist. Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog. 6:30 is my favorite time of day, hands down. Whenever you get a bad sausage, it's just the wurst. My dog is a genius. I asked him, "What's two minus two?" He said nothing. I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet. I tried buying camouflage the other day but I couldn't find any. I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed! I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg. Mom said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward. Did you hear that laughing too loudly is illegal in Hawaii? They only permit a-low-ha. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place. A magician was walking down the street — then he turned into a store. We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going great, but the second floor is another story. I was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me. Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows — they're making headlines! I'm reading an anti-gravity book, and I just can't put it down!
Bad Jokes for Parties
Inject some life into the party with these corny jokes. No party is complete without a few dumb jokes, right? Give all the guests something to chuckle over (or roll their eyes at) by telling these lame jokes: I gave my handyman a to-do list, but he only did jobs 1, 3, and 5. Turns out he only does odd jobs. I had a conversation with a dolphin once. I felt like we really clicked. Hi, I’m Cliff. Drop over sometime. I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus but geometry is where I draw the line. Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked. Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater. Two peanuts went walking down the street. One was assaulted. Dogs can't operate MRI machines. But catscan. I went to a silent auction. I won a dog whistle and two mimes. I was going to try an all almond diet, but that's just nuts. I found a book called How to Solve 50% of Your Problems. So I bought 2. What do you call the security guards for Samsung? Guardians of the galaxy. I was making a joke about retirement. It did not work. I love dad jokes, but I don't have kids, which makes me a Faux Pa. My dream job is to clean mirrors, because I can really see myself doing that. I lost 25% of my roof last night...oof. Dad, when he puts the car in reverse: "Ah, this takes me back." The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me while I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone. He said, “Fine, suit yourself.” My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system. Did you hear about the guy who went to the doctor for a headache? The doctor examined his ear and found money. The doctor kept pulling and pulling it out until he had $1,999. Then the doctor said, "No wonder you're not feeling two grand!" Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Two windmills were sitting on a hill. One asks the other, "Do you have a favorite song?" The other replies, "Well... all my life I have been a heavy metal fan." My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.
Cheesy Riddles
These corny dad-riddles are sure to stump your buds. Before making them burst into laughter, that is (or groan—one or the other). Try out some of these classic and not-so-classic cringey riddles at your next hang: Q: What’s the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? A: One sells watches and the other watches cells. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left the ranch? A: Bi-son. Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a little boogie in it. Q: Where do generals keep their armies? A: In their sleevies. Q: How is my wallet like an onion? A: Every time I open it, I cry. Q: Why did Mozart hate chickens? A: Because when he asked them for their favorite composer, they said, "Bach! Bach! Bach!" Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes? A: A fsh. Q: Where do skunks pray? A: In pews. Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? A: Dam. Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? A: Because the P is silent. Q: Why are there fences in cemeteries? A: Because everyone's always dying to get in. Q: What's big and gray and doesn't matter? A: An irrelephant. Q: What do you call a sheep who can sing and dance? A: Lady Ba Ba. Q: If you're American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you're in the bathroom? A: European. Q: Why did the toilet paper roll downhill? A: To get to the bottom. Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: No eyed deer. Q: What's the award for being the best dentist? A: A plaque. Q: What kinds of pictures do hermit crabs take? A: Shellfies. Q: What do you call a large African mammal with long hair and sandals? A: A hippie-potamus. Q: What do you get the man with the heart of a lion? A: A lifetime ban from the zoo. Q: Why can you never trust atoms? A: They make up everything. Q: What was the mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap. Q: How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got him for Christmas? A: He felt his presents. Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife? A: Meat Patty. Q: What’s brown and sticky? A: A stick. Q: Why was the whale sad? A: It lost its porpoise. Q: What did one wall say to the other? A: "Meet me at the corner!" Q How do you think the unthinkable? A: With an itheberg! Q: Why do crabs never give to charity? A: Because they’re shellfish. Q: What grades did the pirate get on his report card? A: Seven Cs. Q: What did the ocean say to the beach? A: Nothing, it just waved. Q: What do you call a person with a briefcase in a tree? A: A branch manager. Q: Why did the baby cookie cry? A: Because its mother was a wafer so long. Q: When is a door not really a door? A: When it’s ajar. Q: Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? A: Because they’re so good at it! Q: Why did the coffee call the police? A: It got mugged. Q: Why did the Cyclops close his school? A: He only had one pupil. Q: Where did the pumpkins have their meeting? A: In the gourdroom. Q: What's the best way to save your dad jokes? A: In a dadda-base.
Dark Humor Bad Jokes
There’s a bad joke, and then there’s a ????bad???? joke. There are jokes you’re embarrassed to laugh at because they’re dumb, and then there are jokes you’re embarrassed to laugh at because they’re…let’s say, a little more PG-13. And there are some jokes that are both—like these: I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor. My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care. I don't have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere. My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right. My parents raised me as an only child, which really made my sister mad. The most corrupt CEOs are the ones who run pretzel companies. They're always so twisted. Today, I asked my phone "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera. ???? A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree exclaims, "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue." As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice. Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn't a mourning person. I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors. Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you're prepared for the reaper cushions.
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