- Major life changes, stress, mental health conditions, and not living in alignment with your core self can cause you to not feel like yourself.
- You can feel more like yourself again by engaging in reconnecting activities or by performing grounding techniques.
- These feelings are common and will likely go away in time, but if they persist, consider seeking the support of a therapist or medication.
Reasons You Might Not Feel Like Yourself
Life changes A new job, a new baby, moving to a new place…. These are only a few examples of the sorts of life changes that can affect your sense of identity. New daily routines and social circles and unfamiliar environments may make you feel as if you're living a stranger's life. It may take days or even weeks to start to feel “normal” again, but you may start to feel more like yourself with some time to adjust to your new life. These life changes may be neutral or even positive, but that doesn't mean they won't throw you off for a while as you adjust to your new routine or environment. You may feel confused, lonely, and exhausted, and you may even experience some existential uncertainty now that your regular life has become unmoored.
Loss Whether you're mourning the death of a loved one or going through a difficult breakup, grief can change our behavior in startling and unexpected ways. You might feel like a ghost for a while, not wholly present to your life. Or you might feel angry that the loss occurred, or guilty, as if you could have stopped it. As you begin to adjust to this major change to your life, you'll slowly begin to feel more in touch with yourself again. Symptoms of grief may include a loss of interest in things you once enjoyed, fatigue, irritability, depression, or simply feeling numb and "in a daze."
Hormones A hormonal imbalance can make you feel off, as if you're just not quite your usual self. Our hormonal levels naturally rise and fall throughout our life—for instance, with puberty, menopause, or pregnancy. But hormonal imbalances can also be the result of stress, certain medications, tumors, autoimmune conditions, and other causes. Hormonal imbalances accompanying certain phases of life or caused by certain medications may be temporary and/or easily fixed, though chronic imbalances due to a medical condition may be more difficult to manage.
New relationships Spending a lot of time with someone new can affect your behavior around that person, especially if they're a romantic partner. If you don't feel like yourself around a new partner, consider if you've changed your behavior in any way out of concern that they won’t like the “real you.” Not being yourself around your partner doesn't necessarily mean they wouldn't like the real you, but it may indicate you're uncomfortable relaxing around them. In time, you may get more comfortable being yourself around them, but it's also possible you're not compatible.
Stress Overwhelming stress can seriously affect both your physical and mental health. You may find yourself thinking or behaving in ways you don’t normally do—for instance, the pressure of a demanding job may make you irritable or may negatively affect your sleeping and eating patterns. Too many distractions may make you “zone out” during your off time and feel like a zombie. It’s very possible a major life change could lead to stress as you navigate how to adjust to your new routine.
Identity clash Sometimes you start to lose your sense of self when you enter an environment that clashes with your core self’s needs. This environment could be as short-term as a wild party when you’re an introvert who just wants to be home reading, or it could be as serious and long-term as a career field that you don’t find fulfilling. Giving in to peer pressure or societal expectations can enhance this feeling, as pressure from others can sometimes lead you to act in ways you wouldn’t ordinarily act and which go against your sense of self. A lack of alone time to reflect can also be responsible for your feeling out of touch with yourself (whether you’re a book-loving introvert or a party animal extrovert).
Possible mental health conditions Sometimes, the reason for not feeling like yourself has to do with a mental health condition such as anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, derealization-depersonalization disorder, or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Feeling disconnected from yourself is a symptom shared by all of these conditions. If you believe your behavior may be caused by a mental health condition, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist for professional advice. They can help you reach an accurate diagnosis and help you with your next steps.
What to Do When You Don’t Feel Like Yourself
Ground yourself. Grounding yourself can calm you and help you become more aware of your environment and yourself, as well as minimize any feelings of being detached from your life or identity. Grounding techniques like focused breathing or meditation can help you center yourself and focus on the present moment. Focused breathing: Slowly breathe in and out, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth. Place your hands on your abdomen and watch your hands move up and down as you breathe. Do this until you begin to feel more relaxed. Sensory grounding: Look around you. Identify 5 things you can see; 4 things you can touch; 3 things you can hear; 2 things you can smell; and 1 thing you can taste. This exercise will better connect you to your surroundings and keep you rooted in the present moment.
Seek reconnecting activities. Dedicating uninterrupted time to a hobby or new activity can help you feel more like yourself. If painting brings you joy, try to set aside time in your day to pick up a brush. If you love to read, spend an afternoon in the library tackling a book on your to-read list. Socializing with people we feel like ourselves around can also make us feel...well, more like ourselves. Try to make time to chat or hang out with a friend or family member who you feel knows you well. Studies show music has a great effect on our sense of identity—specifically, the music we loved as teens. Taking a nostalgic trip back to your high school years by listening to the music you loved then can make you feel more connected to your core self.
Self-reflect. Being more intentional can go a long way towards helping you feel more like yourself again. Many times, simply being more intentional about what you’re doing and what you want in life can minimize feelings of not being yourself. Pull out your journal or take a long walk and contemplate where you’re at in your life—what does your ideal life look like? How does it align with the life you’re living now? Evaluate your job, social life, and romantic connections. Are they fulfilling? Take a step back from any toxic people in your life and limit social media use while you do this. This can help you reflect on your personal needs and desires without distraction from others.
Practice self-care. Dedicate time to self-care every day. Paying focused attention to yourself and your needs can boost your confidence, alleviate stress, and make you feel more in touch with yourself and your body. Self-care isn't just luxurious bubble baths and truffles (though it may involve that): self-care means being good to your mind, body, and soul by taking time to exercise regularly, eat nourishing foods, get plenty of sleep, and alleviate stress through activities such as meditation or yoga.
Focus on what you can control. Sometimes feeling less like yourself is a result of feeling like you have no power over anything. Major life upheavals, even "positive" changes, can make you feel powerless and unmoored. To feel more like yourself, try to let go of the need to control things that are simply beyond your power; instead, focus on what you can control, and try to develop new, reliable routines to fall into to give your life more stability. The things you can control may seem small at first: meal-planning for the week, taking daily walks, stopping at a café on your way to work each morning. But over time, living with intention can help you feel more in command of your life and yourself.
When to Be Concerned
If your feelings persist or you can’t control them, consider seeking help. It’s natural to not feel like yourself now and again, and often, the feelings fade on their own, or you’re able to overcome them. If it’s been weeks or months, though, and the feelings haven’t gone away, or if they’re accompanied by negative or racing thoughts you can’t control, it may be best to seek the help of a professional therapist and perhaps medication. In general, if you're able to experience small moments of joy, it's likely your funk will lift soon enough. If you're unable to recall happy moments or feel as if you'll never be happy again, your condition may be more severe. If you can, turn to trusted friends or family at this time too. They can offer support as you navigate getting professional help. It’s also possible the aid of your support team can help you feel more grounded as well.
Comments
0 comment