- Respectful and frequent communication is one of the earliest positive signs that your partner still cares. If you can talk and be civil, that’s a promising start.
- As you communicate more, it's also a good sign if you and your partner share your feelings with one another and fix old problems from the marriage.
- Finally, note how you and your partner treat each other. If you still support one another and treat each other compassionately, that’s a positive sign for the future.
You still communicate with each other.
Respectful communication is a great starting point for reconciliation. Whether you’re able to have long chats or simply discuss things in a civil, cordial manner at first, staying in touch is a good sign. So long as you and your partner talk without devolving into a shouting match, that respectful dialogue can pave the way for improving communication further in the future. If your partner is too angry to talk rationally and politely, it can be difficult to reason with them. In that case, it might be best to go no-contact until they’re ready to talk. Don’t be discouraged if it takes you a couple of months to start talking again; reconciliation takes time, so don’t rush it if you want it to last. By communicating, you’re laying a foundation, and that’s a fantastic step.
You’re both curious about one another.
After separation, it’s natural to want to catch up with your spouse. They may be curious about everything from recent developments in your life to your hopes for the future of the relationship. In fact, they may even go so far as to ask your friends about you or whether you’re seeing anyone new. If your partner seems super curious about you (and you feel the same), it could be a sign that they want to be closer. If you feel the same, indulge their curiosity! Spend some time catching up with them and rebuilding that sense of closeness between you.
You reminisce about good times.
Having more positive memories than negative ones is a hopeful sign. Every relationship has ups and downs, so it’s completely normal if you have some not-so-pleasant memories from your marriage. However, if you find your partner talking about the good times more often than they dwell on the negative moments (and you do the same), it could mean both of you still treasure the experiences you shared. According to the Gottman Institute’s 5:1 rule, healthy relationships have at least 5 positive interactions for every conflict. If that applies to your relationship, you and your partner probably have lots of great memories!
You share your feelings with one another.
Being vulnerable with each other can help build emotional intimacy. Say you and your partner start talking again; everything is polite but surface-level…and then your partner opens up about how they’re feeling. That’s a great sign! If they share their emotions and you do the same, you both still see the other as a confidante. It can also mean you’re both ready to work on the issues between you. Things like stonewalling and defensiveness can throw a wrench in your communication. Stonewalling is when someone shuts you down because they feel overwhelmed, making it hard to resolve issues. Defensiveness is an overprotective mentality in which someone thinks your words are critical, even if they’re not. Increase your chances of reconciliation by letting your guard down and opening up to one another, with no stonewalling or defensiveness. When you feel ready, ask your partner to talk about the problems in your marriage. Be sure to share your feelings on the situation and encourage them to do the same.
You both take responsibility.
Recognizing your role in the split can help you work through the situation. Before you and your partner get a fresh start, it’s important that you both acknowledge what happened to cause the separation, accept it, and take responsibility for your part in that. Blaming one another won’t get you anywhere, and the truth is, every couple shares responsibility for their relationship—so neither of you is wholly to blame. Do you and your partner both accept and appreciate one another’s personal struggles, even if they played a part in the separation? Do both of you understand that relationships are a two-way street? Have you each acknowledged your part in the split without trying to criticize or point fingers? If you and your partner do all those things, that’s a promising sign for the future.
You forgive each other.
Forgiveness is the key to moving forward together. You and your partner have taken responsibility for the separation—that’s a huge step! The next is forgiving one another for what happened. No matter what led to the separation, odds are, you both walked away with hurt feelings and sadness. If you forgive one another, you can resolve those feelings and raise your chances of reconciling. Forgiving big things like infidelity is tough, and you certainly aren’t obligated to reconcile if you don’t want to. However, learning to forgive even the bigger mistakes is certainly possible. At the end of the day, forgiveness isn’t really about the other person—it’s about giving yourself the closure you need to move on. If you forgive your spouse, it may help you feel ready to put the past behind you.
You’re working on the problem.
Solving old problems prevents them from occurring in the future. If your partner starts discussing the problems in your relationship and working toward a solution with you, it indicates a strong desire to reunite. After all, if your partner didn’t care, they might not bother looking for solutions—so the fact that you work through problems together means a lot! For example, if you and your partner often fought about finances, they might approach you with a plan to manage money better in the future. If poor communication was an issue, your partner might start trying to express themselves or listen to you actively. Reconciliation depends on your ability to resolve lingering problems—because if left unfixed, they’ll probably keep popping up. Boost your chances of getting back together by working through your marital issues during separation.
You discuss your needs and future goals.
Clarifying expectations can help you create a healthier relationship. Maybe you and your partner never discussed expectations before, or your expectations have changed over time. Either way, as you figure out how to grow together, share your needs, desires, and goals with your partner, and encourage them to do the same. For example, say you felt like you didn’t get enough quality time with your spouse before. In that case, tell them you need quality time to be a bigger priority going forward.
You look to one another for support.
Showing support proves there are still warm feelings between you. Does your partner call you to ask for advice when they don’t know how to deal with a family problem? Do you text them when you want their input on a work dilemma? If both of you are willing to be the other’s confidante and supporter, even through separation, that’s a positive sign for your marriage overall. Offering support is another great way to rebuild trust and create a strong emotional bond between you and your partner as well. In healthy relationships, partners rely on one another! Create that healthy dynamic by continuing to listen ad support each other as you work on transitioning from separation to reconciliation.
Your partner treats you with compassion.
If your spouse still cares, they'll show it with kind, thoughtful behavior. Look for small caring gestures and moments of compassion from your spouse. They might call or text you just to check in and ask you how you’re doing. They may even offer to be a shoulder to cry on if you need one or help you out when you’re in a bind. Essentially, they’ll treat you with warmth and respect despite the separation. For example, you might find that your partner calls you once a week and remembers to ask for updates on the things you talked about previously—like the results of a medical test or a project at work. If you want to increase the chances of reconciliation, compassion (rather than anger or bitterness) is the way to go. Show your partner the same consideration they show you, and make small gestures of affection so they know you still care.
You start spending more time together.
After a cooling-off period, you may feel eager to see each other again. If your spouse is interested in reconciliation, they’ll likely jump at the chance to see you again and start trying to do so more often. They may even find excuses to talk to you or ask you to meet up just because they miss having you around (and like having you back in their life). Does it seem like your spouse texts you completely out of the blue? Do they come up with random excuses to hang out? For example, maybe they want to pick your brain about something over a cup of coffee and end up scheduling an impromptu coffee date with you. The more your partner wants to see you, the more interested they likely are.
Your partner is changing for the better.
They may want to win you back by proving they can change. You might notice your spouse independently working on problems they had during your relationship or making more time for self-improvement and care in the aftermath of your separation. One hugely positive sign that your spouse wants you back is that they’ve changed—and clearly want you to know it. For example, if you and your spouse used to fight about them smoking, they might decide to quit smoking once and for all (and tell you all about it). Consider the small yet meaningful ways you might be able to change and show your spouse that you’re serious about reconciling. For example, you could take on more duties at work to show them you’re developing a stronger sense of responsibility.
Your partner is still in touch with your family.
They may drop hints to your family that they want you back. You and your partner were married, after all, so they most likely know how to contact your family. And, if they’re interested in reconciliation, they might still try to keep tabs on you through your family. Does your family mention that your partner called and asked about you? They may even comment that your spouse really wants to see you again—all of which are positive signs. Your spouse might also try to indirectly win your favor by being super attentive toward their in-laws—like calling to ask how your mom is feeling after her illness or asking if your dad still needs help painting the house.
Your partner follows you on social media.
Social media may be a convenient way to stay connected with you. If your partner wanted to end the relationship and move on from you, they’re more likely to block and unfollow you completely on social media. The fact that they still follow you shows they’re not ready to do that—and if they like your posts, comment, or message you, they may still be interested in a reunion.
You start flirting with each other.
Flirting can indicate there’s still affection and attraction between you. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, which is why separation can make you and your partner really miss the intimacy that was once between you. But, if the attraction is still there, you’ll probably notice your partner flirting with you—their way of showing you that they want to regain that sense of intimacy. For example, your spouse might send you a sweet, complimentary text every so often. They might express their affection through body language, trying to get physically close, brushing up against you, or giving you a hug. They might make frequent eye contact during conversations and smile at you all the time. They may try to impress you by talking about their accomplishments (or, alternatively, the ways they’ve made positive changes in their life).
You trust each other.
Trust is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. If the trust between you and your spouse is still there, or if you’re actively working to rebuild trust, then it’s possible you’re both open to the possibility of a reunion. Does your partner still rely on you to help them out or take on certain responsibilities? Do they believe everything you tell them without reservation? Those are signs that your partner still trusts you! For example, if you’re still the first person your partner calls when they need someone to water their plants for a weekend or give them a ride to the doctor’s office, that means they trust you. Your partner also likely trusts you if they tell you about sensitive subjects—like an issue their family is keeping under wraps or a conflict they’re having with one of their friends.
You express gratitude for one another.
Gratitude can help you and your partner feel happier and more fulfilled. As you process the separation, you both may start to appreciate what you had together in a way you didn’t before. Whether you do it through words or gestures, expressing gratitude for one another indicates that neither of you is ready to call it quits yet. For example, your partner might start saying things like, “I’m really grateful for you and thankful that you’re still a part of my life. I wish I’d told you how thoughtful you are more often.” They might also do small but powerful things, like writing you a letter about how much they appreciate you or making you a meaningful homemade gift. Express gratitude for your spouse as well. Show them that, despite the problems in your relationship, you’re still grateful to have them in your life. It may help you and your partner reconcile in time!
You’re both open to counseling.
Getting professional help shows you’re both trying to fix things. A couple’s counselor can help you work through the issues in your marriage together and figure out how to build a better, happier relationship as a team. If both of you are willing to try therapy, it’s likely a sign that neither of you has given up on the marriage yet, and you’re still hoping to fix things. Ask your partner if they’ll see a counselor with you, if they don’t bring it up first. If the answer is yes, that’s definitely a positive signal—and therapy can boost your chances of successful reconciliation. Even better, if your partner approaches you about therapy, that shows they’re being proactive and really thinking about what would be best for your marriage. If you’re not sure how to get a therapist, try an online platform like BetterHelp to find a therapist who is right for you.
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