Preparing to Confront Your Parents
Conduct research into piercings. The very first step in convincing your parents to let you get a piercing, is to know exactly what piercing you want. Some of the more popular piercings are ear, belly-button, lip, and/or tongue. Each of these piercings comes in different shapes, sizes, and colors. Lists can be found online, or at a nearby piercing facility. For example, if you were to get a piercing in your ear, there are about 10-15 different places on your ear where the piercing could be located. This includes the lobe, tragus, inner conch, etc. Know exactly what type of piercing you want, and where you want it located. In terms of jewelry, you might want a barbell, a closed circle, an open circle, a plug, a flesh tunnel, etc. Don't: start with a large or unusual piercing your parents are unlikely to allow.Do: consider piercings you've seen on your parents or their friends.
Find a high-quality piercing facility. Use phone books, or advertisement lists online to find a nearby facility. Look for ratings as given by customers, usually on a "5 Star" scale. Facilities that have lower than 4 stars should not even be considered. After you find one, go to the place in person to check it out. Note the cleanliness of the facility, and the attitude of the workers. Ask some customers in the store about their past experiences there, and write them down. EXPERT TIP Roger Rodriguez Roger Rodriguez Piercing Specialist Roger Rodriguez, also known as Roger Rabb!t, is the Owner of Ancient Adornments Body Piercing, a piercing studio based in the Los Angeles, California area. With over 25 years of piercing experience, Roger has become the co-owner of several piercing studios such as ENVY Body Piercing and Rebel Rebel Ear Piercing and teaches the craft of body piercing at Ancient Adornments. He is a member of the Association of Professional Piercers (APP). Roger Rodriguez Roger Rodriguez Piercing Specialist Our Expert Agrees: Research the piercing process, the studios in your area, and any local laws. Your parents will be more apt to want to take you somewhere reputable, rather than just any neighborhood tattoo and piercing studio, so choose a studio with a solid reputation. Finally, every state has its own individual laws when it comes to piercing a minor, so you'll need to research that as well.
Ask your friends about their experiences with piercings. Some of your friends have likely had experiences, either getting piercings, and/or having to convince their parents to get a piercing. They will be able to give you first hand knowledge about pain levels involved with the piercing, their preferences when it comes to jewelry, and where they have gone to get a piercing before. Make sure to write this information down on a sheet of paper. You will want to add tidbits of what they had to say to your argument later on. Don't: mention a friend your parents consider a "bad influence."Do: relay the facts you've learned from these conversations.
Write down why getting the piercing is important to you. Using clear and concise language, create a list of main reasons you feel you need and want a piercing. They can range from the mundane, to the very serious. Acknowledge both aesthetic (jewelry is pretty) and emotional (makes me feel good inside) reasons. After you have created a list, cross off anything that might be off-putting to your parents, and those which are not that important. Form those thoughts into coherent sentences, with nouns, adjectives, and verbs. For example: I want a black plug on my earlobe. This is because it is a beautiful addition and makes me feel more independent as a person.
Practice reciting your argument. You can do this in front of a mirror, or in front of some of your friends. Try to memorize as much of the argument as you can so that it seems more convincing to your parents. Use a forceful, yet non-confrontational tone, when using specific words and/or points. Rather than just memorizing a script, add in additional phrases as you practice. Make the argument sound as convincing as possible. Practice at least 3-4 times.
Gather together materials to present to your parents. You will want have a picture of the exact piercing you want to get. Pictures of the facility you want to get your piercing at. Pamphlets and brochures concerning piercings. Medical statistics that cite the rate of infections among pierced individuals. The idea is to be more prepared than you have to be. If your parents have a question or inquiry, you want the information either in your head or at your fingertips. Note, you do not want to present medical statistics that run contrary to your argument. If you find that all the medical statistics are negative for a particular piercing, you should perhaps get it somewhere else.
Wait until you know the time is right. Your parents should be in a good mood when you sit them down. You will also want some time to yourself. Think about the research you have conducted. A rash or ill-advised decision is almost never a good one. Waiting an extra week, month, or year can give you time to prepare and think about what you are about to do. If you notice that they are yelling a lot, do not confront them yet. If they are dealing with a traumatic problem themselves, do not overburden them.
Sitting Your Parents Down
Tell your parents you want to have a serious conversation. Let them know that this is no joking manner. Use forceful language, and be assertive. Leaving notes is not as good as initially confronting your parents to let them know you want to talk. Set a time and day with them. You do not want to bombard them with information, but rather, set aside a particular time in which serious discussion can take place. Don't: mention the piercing yet. Give them time to wonder what it's about, and most parents will end up relieved.Do: say "I want to talk to you about something serious. It's nothing bad, but it is important."
Sit them down in a comfortable space. A great place to have a serious talk is in a living room or a bedroom. Dim the lighting so as to not distract. You also want to make sure your phones are off and put away. The T.V. should also not be on, which can be a major distraction as well. Make sure that you and your parents are seated close together so the talk isn't awkward. You might want pillows around, which can feel better when you sit down. You want yourself, and your parents to be as comfortable as possible.
Begin by describing your achievements. You can list off your academic success, events you have volunteered at, or family members you have helped out. This is a great way to break the ice, and show your parents what you have achieved. This will ease the conversation into something more controversial like getting a piercing. After you have your parents warmed up, and reminded of your good deeds, they may be more receptive to what you are about to ask of them. List all the A's and B's you have received recently in school. Tell them about the book reports you have written. Tell them that you are helping other kids with their schoolwork as well. Volunteer activities, such as at a blood drive, or cleaning a road, show your parents that you are a responsible young adult. Don't: go on for more than a few sentences, which can sound suspicious.Do: move on if your parents ask what this is about.
Lay out your case. Either read from your prepared statements, or speak from memory. Use your arms when you speak as to show emotion and engagement. Use clear, logical sentences. Remember to stay on point, and do not stray into other areas of conversation. If your parents interrupt, remind them that they will have a turn to ask questions later on. State your argument, give evidence, and then repeat your argument again. Don't: talk over your parents or patronize them.Do: say "I know you have questions, I'd just like to tell you the details first."
Avoid irrational behavior and emotions. Crying, weeping, and/or frowning shows your parents that you are unable to handle your emotions and, therefore, not mature enough to get a piercing. You want to be calm, cool, and collected. Speak with heart, but don't let it get to you. Present yourself as a clear thinking, rational adult, whom has facts to back up his/her argument.
Present your parents with materials. Give your parents the pictures and pamphlets you have collected. You can either disperse them individually as they come about during your argument, or give them to your parents at the end of your talk. Point out which item is which so that your parents are not confused. You want them to come back to these materials later on and know what to expect. If you want, you can read the pamphlets with them, or let them read and then ask you questions.
Ask your parents for questions and/or responses. The conversation is not one-sided. You want to get your parents engaged in a dialogue. Every time they ask a question, have a clear response ready. If your parents sense weakness, or a lack of research, they will seriously doubt your readiness to get a piercing. If you do not know an answer, you should refer them to specific websites where they can find the answer they are looking for. Do not leave them wondering, with doubt in their minds.
Establishing a Stronger Argument for Your Piercing
Take your parents to the piercing facility. A little extra push is sometimes needed to convince parents you are ready. Show them where the facility is. Take them inside, and introduce the person whom would be piercing you. Demonstrate to them how clean the place is. Show them pictures inside of the facility of people's past piercings. You can even let your parents talk to some of the customers there to get their comments about the facility and it's level of professionalism.
Create a contract or an agreement. Your parents might be okay with you getting a piercing if you can agree to some stipulations. This might involve boosting your grades in school, doing more chores around the house, or treating your siblings better. Together, write down on paper exactly the terms of the contract, and when you have to accomplish the goals by. If you meet the goals, you should be guaranteed a piercing.
Consistently remind them this is important to you. Sometimes one talk is not enough. Some parents are stubborn, while others are simply bad at listening to their children. However, don't let this get you down. Always remind them throughout the following days and weeks that a piercing is still important to you. Write them notes, perhaps better explaining your arguments. You can even schedule more serious talks in the future, and engage in further open dialogue with your parents. Don't: bring up piercings when your parents are in a bad mood.Do: show them new information, such as blogs written by parents in the same situation.
Invite them to come get a piercing with you. Instead of having them wonder about the "dangers" of getting a piercing, bring them along with you. They will feel more comfortable standing by your side as you are getting a piercing. They might even want to get a piercing as well, thereby creating a family bonding moment.
Save up money to purchase the piercing. A sign of maturity is that you are taking responsibility for at least some of your finances. Many parents live paycheck to paycheck, and don't have the extra money to shell out for a piercing. Apply for a job, and save up your own money. Make sure you have enough to cover the piercing and the piece of jewelry you want. Tell your parents that you are willing to pay for part of, or the whole procedure out of pocket.
Go above and beyond with your daily chores. You don't even have to talk with your parents to demonstrate your level of maturity. Do the laundry or the dishes without being asked. Volunteer to take out the trash, or pick up your brother from his soccer game. Spend more time with the family at game night, and/or go out to dinner with them. Be a real part of the family and show them you are taking on responsibility. They might then reciprocate, and reward you for your newfound level of maturation and standing. Don't: mention the piercing every time you do a chore.Do: continue to do extra chores for at least a short time after the piercing.
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